Job Application

Today I applied for a new job. While I have nothing in particular against the job i do now, this newone appears to be the very same job for Internal Audit instead of Group Operations. As such, it's a band higher and therefore comes with a significant salary increase and best of all, a company car. For doing the same job.

I'd been given the heads-up about it a week or so ago and it appeared on the internal job board on the company's intranet yesterday morning. Since the closing date is Monday and I'm on holiday tomorrow and Monday, it was a case of getting the app in asap. So I have.

Now the fly in the ointment is this: The guy in charge of the department has phoned one of my colleagues and pretty much told her to apply. They've met once or twice before and he was impressed with her skills. But saying that, I can match her skill for skill, so I'm sure that I won't be too disadvantaged. The guy also mentioned, sort of in passing that he was hoping to get 2 positions rather than just the one advertised.

Fingers crossed...

Poo

Heh. No such luck. I just had a text message from the Vickster:

"I stepped in a poo. It was a fox poo and it was by the back of the car. I went to get something out of the boot and I stepped in it.
You broke a glass and I stepped in poo. Doesn't bode well for the week does it?"

Not really, Vic. Not really.

A Good Start

I had a good start to the day. Went into the kitchen. Turned the kettle on and one of the glasses miraculously leapt off the draining board and shattered all over the floor. Here's hoping it's all going to be uphill from there...

The Gig

The gig rocked! The glorious event took place at a pub called the Badminton Arms down Yate way. Stead says they used to play their fairly frequently. After carrying loads of heavy stuff for the band, we stuffed our faces and then settled down to watch Stead and co make arses of themselves. Fortunately they didn't. They were, in fact the dog's bollocks (yes, I know I'm having a bit of an anatomy obsessed five minutes here)!

The band were great. Their Livin' on a Prayer was fanastic, as was Bohemian Like You and loads of other cool stuff. Oh yeah, and Bezz put his guitar on his head. Then there was the key-tar! It was great and the locals loved it.

Turrned out afterwards that the tab that the landlord set up for the band was free. If only we'd known that when we were ordering food! D'oh!

Went to see Hero with Dangerous Dave last night down at the Watershed. That was cool, too!

I'm Gonna Be Rich!

Oh yes. you are reading the blog of a man who's gonna be so rich, Bill Gates'll be coming round to scrounged a tenner! For one glorious afternoon, I'm gonna have more money than the Bush Dynasty.

Well... ok... that may be a bit of an exaggeration - but I'll definitely have more money than that guy who sells the Evening Post outside Debenhams. Won't have it for long though, unfortunately. We've remortgaged in an attempt to consolidate our debts and the surplus cash will be used to pay of car loans, credit cards and so-on. But, boy will I have tons of cash to my name for a few hours!

On a different note, Stead, Woolie, Pedro and I went to see Collateral on Wednesday night (Orange Wednesday - 2 for 1... cool!). It started off slow but got better as it went on. No real surprises, though and Tom Cruise's hair was, frankly, silly. Then I cleverly left my jacket (with my mp3 player still in the pocket) under my seat at the cinema. Very clever, I don't think. What's even better is that I didn't even notice I'd lost it until the following morning as I left for the bus... And couldn't find my jacket! Duh!

To make my evening even better (although admittedly I didn't know it was going badly at that point), when I got home, I found that the laptop was knackered. No problem, I thought. There's nothing important on hard disk - I'll just format it and reinstall windows using the 3 handy reload disk provided by the retailer! Easy Peasy. Easy, that is until I discovered that the second of the 3 disks was knackered. D'oh!

Never mind. Stead has a gig tonight - his first in a few years. Vic and I will be attending (I think I'm being drafted into some heavy lifting beforehand - damn my compulsive volunteering) and I'll post an update tomorrow.

Waiting Around

Don't you just hate it when you spend the entire morning tidying and cleaning the house in anticipation of a visit from old friends who then fail to turn up.

Yeah. So do I.

Operation: Hellboy

After a day of undertaking important world changing activities: monitoring television boadcasts that we'd failed to watch in the week for potential intelligence leaks (no problems there, I can assure you), executing a vital incursion on the biscuit barrel (the custard creams had been threatening to invade the bourbon's territory for some time, whilst the bourbons had been threatening to deploy WMDs in retaliation - our peacekeeping operation ensured that neither party would be causing trouble again) and dealing with the world's tea surplus by drinking vast quantities of it; we rendezvoused with our allies in the North and West (Stead and Woolie, respectively) and performed a reconnaissance sortie into the demilitarised territory of Cribbs Causeway where we carried out an observation of footage pertaining to the comic book character 'Hellboy'.

Interference was caused by the infiltration of the audience by a large group of infant guerrilla militia who engaged in tapping, coughing, rustling and giggling activities, presumably in an attempt to provoke a violent reation from us which would have given away our position. Fortunately, we (and by 'we' I mean Stead) were able to curtail our (his) natural reaction and we remained undiscovered. The footage was excellent.

Upon completing our observation of this footage we were able to make a discrete withdrawal to our vehicle, whereupon we proceeded into hostile territory (locally known as the Stoker's pub car-park) in a successful effort to obtain supplies. Supplies obtained, we retreated to Woolie's HQ whereupon we refueled and retired to our respective barracks.

Venison, Californication and MotoGP

Now, you may be wondering what the connection between butchered deer, a mildly irritating Chilli Peppers song and a console racing game is. Not much, you're probably thinking. Well there is a connection and I'm gonna enlighten you (at this point I should warn you that the explanation ain't gonna be as exiting as you might think).

The connection is this: Corn Street.

Didn't explain a thing, did it? I shall elaborate.

Stead and I met for lunch today at a pub on Corn Street. While we were there, we noticed some unusual activity outside. Several people were wandering round taking photographs of the buildings on Corn Street. This activity left us puzzled for a few moments, until Stead announced that he was going to ask one of them what they were up to, which he did.

The man explained that he worked for a small software company who were putting together a racing game. One of the tracks was going to be in Bristol. They'd completed one last year with tracks in Barcelona and this new one would be out some time next year. Oh, we thought, it's not going to be anything we've heard of, is it? No. Just a piddly little game by the name of MotoGP, conidered by some to be the pinnacle of motorbike racing games. Duh.

So there's the MotoGP (and the more interesting) aspect of it.

Next comes the venison. There's a market on Corn Street. In thet market is a stall which sells game (it's called 'Game On', har de har). Now, I've never had venison before, so I searched my pockets for some cash and could only come up with enough to buy some venison cumberland sausages.

"Have you tried these before?" asked Martin, for that was his name.

"No," said I, for I had not.

"Well try some now," said he, producing a pot of sausage.

So I did. And very tasty it was too.

"It's a shame," mused Martin, "that you can't do the same with women."

Images flashed through my tiny mind of Martin chopping up his wife and turning her into sausages. Martin must have noticed the look on my face.

"Try before you buy", he said hurriedly.

Phew. Not a homicidal maniac, then!

So there's the venison. I can tell you're riveted - you're thinking, "Wow! Not only did he meet one of the developers of a hugely popular video game, he had a frankly hilarious conversation with a butcher in the same lunch break! How can you top that? Californication? What? Did he meet the Chilli Peppers walking down the street?"

No. The busker outside the bank was singing 'Californication'.

Badly.

Trauma

I spent yesterday evening being traumatised.

A workmate lent me the video of Threads, an 80's movie about a nuclear attack on the UK - and Sheffield in particular. It was horribly realistic (as far as realistic goes in 80's movies), but sort of compelling. It was almost as depressing as a trip to Skipton. I don't recommend it to anyone with a weak consitution!

Had to cheer myself up after that by watching my new Clerks animated dvd. Cool.

Oh yeah... and Stead has finally shared his experiences at the Blood Donor session with the world:

OK - so here it is

For years I have been told by the Doctors that I was too cool and too damn sexy to give blood. They didnt want there to be a risk of cross-contamination with square/ugly people resulting in every molecule in their body blowing apart at the speed of light.... ya da ya da... actually i was just not heavy enough.

But now I am! and the JDK emailed on Friday and said "Stead, here's a good idea why dont we go to the community centre and get stabbed by some numpty with only rudermentry skills with a needle and allow our lifes blood to be drained away - with the certain reward of a manky bicky at the end of it"

I wasnt keen - but felt guilty so off we went. The scene was set - numpty's everywhere, forms to fill in and 2!!!! needles (something about an iron test) followed by a lie down on a bed with a nice lady...... looking after me - and the job was done. I did protest and say I would never do it again - but I probably will as long as "I used to be an ex-boxer, I've done 75 of these, I was in the army AND I was the first man on Mars" bloke isnt there..... tit.

So there you go. Not that exciting really was it - but the funny thing was they had posters up saying "Do something REALLY amazing and give bone marrow" - what will they want next? my Fecking KIDNEYS?

I'd forgotten about the ex-boxer. He was a scary bloke (in a slurred, swaying 60 year old sort of way) and threatened to duff Stead up. Then he announced that he'd given 75 pints of blood and proudly showed us his gold donor card which almost (but not quite) impressed us.

E-Bunny

It would seem that my rabbit is fully conversant with today's digital age. She's spent the evening eating an e-mail.

It's A Wrap!

Thought I'd share this:

Episode 6: In Which Vic Goes to Hospital And Much Hilarity Ensues

Well, last night, we persuaded Norman... er... Vic to let us take her to Casualty to get her knee looked at by someone who knew a bit about medical stuff.

After Stead and I gave blood, we ganged up on Vic and forced her to accompany us to Frenchay Hospital.

Despite the fact that she's been walking around with no problems - the pain only comes when she touches it, or breathes or something - they insisted uopn confining her to a wheelchair (oh, I pointed and laughed, I did) and I had to push her to the x-ray department.

Whilst Vic had her knee x-rayed, I looked at the posters on the wall and discovered that there is something called Nuclear Medicine, which sounds really cool! Learn sumfink noo every day, I does.

Anyway, it turns out that Vic's knee is not cracked or chipped as she feared, but is just swollen and sore - It'll ge better as the fluid goes away. The consultant gave us a nice medical sounding explanation for the 'crunchiness' (Although the triage nurse described it as 'crackling' and the consultant said it was 'creaking' - they're medical professionals, they should know!) of the kneecap, which was nice, but left us none the wiser.

Well a wonderful evening was had by all. We got to chuckle about the rough looking girl with an eyepatch who was brought in cuffed to a pair of lady coppers (and had fun trying to guess which of the two coppers was the bitch and which was the butch one). Oh yeah... and there were so many dodgy people around, we felt really posh. Even Stead.

Blood

It was Bloodletting Day today. I managed to persuade Stead to come with me to the Blood Donor session. He's never been before and seemed quite jittery about the whole thing - which was odd - I've only ever seen Stead jittery once before and it was when he'd had a threat on his life, which is hardly the same thing as donating blood. Well... Ok there's blood loss involved in both situations, but I hardly think it's comparable, is it.

Anyway - Stead was less than impressed by the whole thing. His biggest worry was that he would be unable to play the drums on Sunday as his arm might hurt too much. Wuss.

After I failed to warn him about the finger pricking bit (where they jab you with a pricking thing and test your blood for iron) he suggested that perhaps I would be better off running for my life. Then, when he was lying on the bed, donating, he kept mouthing over to me "You're Dead" and such like. Fortunately he's such a wimp, I don't need to worry about these things!

Personally, I was extremely put out because they decided to withdaw their quota from my right arm. Now, I am a left arm donor. I've always had it from my left arm. So when they take it from my right arm, the concern is that I will become unbalanced (well more so than normal, anyway). And the nurse cocked it up and had to stick me twice with her lovely 2 mil needle. The bruise is quite impressive.

Well there we go. I'm hoping Stead'll post a few words on the JDBB so I can steal 'em and post them here. After all the bluster, it might be intersting to see what he really thought of the experience.

Noman Wisdom Has Entered The Building

I shouldn't laugh. It's not funny at all. Not even slightly (he he he).

I think Vic's post on the Jammie Dodger Bored Board says it all:

I am never clumsy, I don't fall over, I don't break things, I don't
lose things. I do everything well.
Except this week it seems.
On Monday, I fell down the stairs, landed on my cocix (not broken, but bruised
enough to hurt when I sit down) and bashed my kidneys on the next step up - so I
have been stiff, and in pain since then.
Today, I fell over. I tripped over nothing and fell. I landed on my left knee and my right elbow(interesting I know!!). My right elbow is now bloody & raw (though not seriously hurt). I'm a bit worried about my knee though. It has swelled up HUGELY and gone all bruised and I can only feel half my knee cap - does anyone think this is something to worry about?
I can walk and bend my leg and stuff so I don't think there's anything desperately
worng, but now I know how old people feel - it hurts my bottom when I sit, my
kidneys more or less all the time, my elbow is throbbing and my poor knee is
well and truly knacked.
Might be phoning NHS Direct again eh?!!
(oh yes, the aforementioned hamstring injury was not as a result of clumsyness on my part - I did it without knowing whilst I was removing top soil from a friend's
garden).

As I said I shouldn laugh. But whe n it's usually me falling off the bed, down the stairs or just over my own feet ad being the subject of ridicule - usually from my good wife... well... I gotta really - aha ha ha ha ha.

Seriously though, the poor love is in quite a bit of pain, but the bruising and swelling has gone down quite considerably since yesterday.

The Chronicles Of Riddick

Me 'n Stead went to see the eponymous movie tonight with the full expectation that it was going to be the biggest load of pants since... er... that particularly big load of pants that made it on the news in.. er 1956.

It was surprisingly good.

Vic Falls Down The Stairs

Vic phoned me at work today to announce that she had fallen down the stairs. And landed on her arse. Now Vic is normally a pretty stable girl when it comes to remaining in a vertical position - all he bits that should be at the top tend to remain at the top and those parts that are supposed to be on the ground... well they tend to stay there. In the normal fashion.

(Unlike me - I've managed to fall down the stairs at least 3 times in the past year!)

Anyway, it would seem that she's banged her backside and given her kidneys a bit of a whack. Nothing serious - just enough to give her an achey lower half and remind her that there is an accepted stair traversal method for a reason.

Yet Another Tedious Blog Clutters Up The Net

Yes, my friends. I, too have succumbed to the desire to share the intimate details of my life with the Internet at large. Prepare to be dazzled by my wit, charmed by my... er... charm and generally bored out of your tiny minds by the minutae of my daily struggle to come up with something interesting to blog about!