That's right... Pictures of me through the ages. Well... not THE ages. My ages. And not even all of my ages. This time I think I probably peaked around 7.
I'm definitely better with a beard, though.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
35 Years Of Daz
Following up on the astounding success of my recent 30 Days Of Daz post, I thought I'd revisit something that I put together a couple of years ago.
That's right... Pictures of me through the ages. Well... not THE ages. My ages. And not even all of my ages. This time I think I probably peaked around 7.
I'm definitely better with a beard, though.
That's right... Pictures of me through the ages. Well... not THE ages. My ages. And not even all of my ages. This time I think I probably peaked around 7.
I'm definitely better with a beard, though.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Mole!
It seems that Dexter is getting a little more ambitious in his murdering.
Today, rather than his usual mouse or small bird, he brought home a mole!
This poor little critter is about twice the size of Dexter's usual victims.
Being of a methodical bent, Dr K felt that you might benefit from a slightly more scientific image to help you determine the size of the cadaver:
Yep. That's a good six inches right there!
Only two questions remain:
1. Did Dexter have to burrow to catch this mole?
2. If his kills continue to increase in size, how long will it be before we find a dead sheep on the back lawn?
Today, rather than his usual mouse or small bird, he brought home a mole!
This poor little critter is about twice the size of Dexter's usual victims.
Being of a methodical bent, Dr K felt that you might benefit from a slightly more scientific image to help you determine the size of the cadaver:
Yep. That's a good six inches right there!
Only two questions remain:
1. Did Dexter have to burrow to catch this mole?
2. If his kills continue to increase in size, how long will it be before we find a dead sheep on the back lawn?
Friday, June 10, 2011
Home Invasion
Please note that this story is second hand. It actually happened to Dr K and I present it here on her behalf. It's mostly true, although I may have slightly embellished one or two of the facts for the purposes of amusement and mischievousness.
It was early morning in a South Gloucestershire village. The sun was just peeking over the trees and the birds were singing. Oddly, they were singing 'On The Beautiful Blue Danube' in e-minor an 1/16th time which is a pretty strange way to sing it, if you ask me*.
Dr K, opened the front door and breathed in the fresh countryside air, which smelled mainly of manure. The bins needed to go out and, Dr K was determined to compete the onerous task before driving to work.
"I am determined," she declared, "to complete this onerous task before driving to work."
And she did. She completed the hell out of that onerous task!
By the time she had finished, the bins were under no illusions about their upcoming fate. They were out and no question!
Unfortunately, Dr K had made a terrible miscalculation. While completing her onerous task, she left the front door open and both cats made a successful dash for freedom.
"This, in itself, is not a particular problem." said Dr K to herself. "These cats are big boys and can fend for themselves. And the weather is not inclement, so they should not come to any harm." and then, because she is ever so slightly Northern**, she added "By 'eck as like."
So she locked up and went to work.
And here the story takes an interlude from it's hitherto breakneck pace.
Until Dr K returns home, that is! Look... it's about to happen.
Upon returning home, Dr K found the cats sitting, rather impatiently on the front path. She greeted them in the traditional manner, sniffing each of their anuses in turn and then rubbing her cheek on their faces***, and then turned her attention to the important business of opening the door.
And inside, sitting in the hallway, was next door's cat, Shadow.
While Dr K got over her surprise, the two resident cats chased the interloper out of the house.
As he left, Shadow shouted over his shoulder, "You may have beaten me this time, but you won't be so smug when you see what I've left you! Mua ha ha ha!"
True to his word, Shadow had left a gargantuan, stinky turd in the litter tray which, Dr K assures me, was nine times the size of an average turd.
(* See what I mean about the embellishment? It only gets worse!)
(** What? Derby is north. North of here, anyway!)
(*** Too much?)
It was early morning in a South Gloucestershire village. The sun was just peeking over the trees and the birds were singing. Oddly, they were singing 'On The Beautiful Blue Danube' in e-minor an 1/16th time which is a pretty strange way to sing it, if you ask me*.
Dr K, opened the front door and breathed in the fresh countryside air, which smelled mainly of manure. The bins needed to go out and, Dr K was determined to compete the onerous task before driving to work.
"I am determined," she declared, "to complete this onerous task before driving to work."
And she did. She completed the hell out of that onerous task!
By the time she had finished, the bins were under no illusions about their upcoming fate. They were out and no question!
Unfortunately, Dr K had made a terrible miscalculation. While completing her onerous task, she left the front door open and both cats made a successful dash for freedom.
"This, in itself, is not a particular problem." said Dr K to herself. "These cats are big boys and can fend for themselves. And the weather is not inclement, so they should not come to any harm." and then, because she is ever so slightly Northern**, she added "By 'eck as like."
So she locked up and went to work.
And here the story takes an interlude from it's hitherto breakneck pace.
Until Dr K returns home, that is! Look... it's about to happen.
Upon returning home, Dr K found the cats sitting, rather impatiently on the front path. She greeted them in the traditional manner, sniffing each of their anuses in turn and then rubbing her cheek on their faces***, and then turned her attention to the important business of opening the door.
And inside, sitting in the hallway, was next door's cat, Shadow.
While Dr K got over her surprise, the two resident cats chased the interloper out of the house.
As he left, Shadow shouted over his shoulder, "You may have beaten me this time, but you won't be so smug when you see what I've left you! Mua ha ha ha!"
True to his word, Shadow had left a gargantuan, stinky turd in the litter tray which, Dr K assures me, was nine times the size of an average turd.
(* See what I mean about the embellishment? It only gets worse!)
(** What? Derby is north. North of here, anyway!)
(*** Too much?)
Thursday, June 09, 2011
The Relative Horribleness Of Foreign Sweets #2: Turkey
I have been a little disappointed by the decided lack of foreign sweets over the past few weeks. I have had workmates visiting Egypt, the Nederlands and even Jordan (the country, not the irritating celebrity) and no sweets were forthcoming.
Fortunately, the latest international traveller was good enough to provide Turkish Delight, from Turkey. Yum.
I've never been entirely sure what Turkish Delight is made from. I kinda assumed it was gelatin and sugar. Apparently not. It's still pretty much sugar, but also starch and flour and water and weird, jellyish goodness. Pretty much. I choose to believe that this makes it good for me.
Another new one on me is that it's only really us English speakers that call it Turkish Delight. It's actually called Lokum and variations of Locum pretty much everywhere else!
Anyway, on to the sweeties.
Look, it came in a lovely box:
The inside was a little disappointing - lots of padding meant that there was not nearly as much weird, jellyish goodness as was inferred from the outer packaging. Also the cubes of Turkish Delight themselves, were quite small.
As you can see from the photo, there were three flavours: lemon, orange, rose and mint:
They were all equally delicious, although I did learn a valuable lesson about eating minty Turkish Delight before the other flavours. Don't.
Also, I suffered a massive sugar crash about half an hour after scoffing about eight of them. Yay, me!
Delicious, though they were, overall I think I'll only give them a 4.5 out of 5. I'm confident that there's some chocolatey stuff out there that dan beat these. It'll be close though!
Fortunately, the latest international traveller was good enough to provide Turkish Delight, from Turkey. Yum.
I've never been entirely sure what Turkish Delight is made from. I kinda assumed it was gelatin and sugar. Apparently not. It's still pretty much sugar, but also starch and flour and water and weird, jellyish goodness. Pretty much. I choose to believe that this makes it good for me.
Another new one on me is that it's only really us English speakers that call it Turkish Delight. It's actually called Lokum and variations of Locum pretty much everywhere else!
Anyway, on to the sweeties.
Look, it came in a lovely box:
The inside was a little disappointing - lots of padding meant that there was not nearly as much weird, jellyish goodness as was inferred from the outer packaging. Also the cubes of Turkish Delight themselves, were quite small.
As you can see from the photo, there were three flavours: lemon, orange, rose and mint:
They were all equally delicious, although I did learn a valuable lesson about eating minty Turkish Delight before the other flavours. Don't.
Also, I suffered a massive sugar crash about half an hour after scoffing about eight of them. Yay, me!
Delicious, though they were, overall I think I'll only give them a 4.5 out of 5. I'm confident that there's some chocolatey stuff out there that dan beat these. It'll be close though!
Wednesday, June 08, 2011
30 Days Of Daz
Some days you just can't get enough Daz. For those days, I have created this image, which takes 30 whole days of me and shoves them in your face all at once!
Awesome, huh? That's one photo a day for the last 30 days!
If you like you print it out on a huge bit of paper and stick it on the ceiling over your bed! You're so lucky.
Which is your favourite day? I like 14.
Awesome, huh? That's one photo a day for the last 30 days!
If you like you print it out on a huge bit of paper and stick it on the ceiling over your bed! You're so lucky.
Which is your favourite day? I like 14.
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
Baked Beans
Earlier today I received a text from Dr K:
"What's for tea? Can we have baked beans? I fancy baked beans!"
Well, I didn't fancy baked beans. I wanted pizza.
What a stroke of luck then that the pizza man was happy to make... Baked Bean Pizza!
"What's for tea? Can we have baked beans? I fancy baked beans!"
Well, I didn't fancy baked beans. I wanted pizza.
What a stroke of luck then that the pizza man was happy to make... Baked Bean Pizza!
Dexters (Part Two)
So you want the answers, eh?
Okay... Here they are:
Dexter The Cat
This is, of course Dr K's lovely, stripy little pussy. Regular readers of this blog probably need no introduction to the evil, murderin' little bas... er... delightful bundle of fun!
Dexter Morgan
Another murderer. This time he's the serial killing star of the show 'Dexter'. This is one of my favourite shows. Awesome!
Colin Dexter
Colin surely needs no introduction. He created Inspector Morse! Also, he has an OBE.
Dexter Holland
Slightly more obscure, this one. This Dexter is the lead singer of punk band The Offspring. The Offspring are ace!
Dexter Fletcher
This Dexter is the undisputed star of 90's kids's TV show, Press Gang. I hear he may have been in stuff since, but really... who cares?
Dexter Vines
Not many people will get this one. This Dexter is a comic artist most Fabius for his work on DC comics Superman/Batman title. Actually, that might not be what he's most famous for, but that's where I know him from. If you're interested, you can see some of his stuff Here.
Dexter
I don't think this Dexter has a surname. He's just Dexter. From the cartoon Dexter's Laboratory, which is quite funny.
Ramone Dexter
No-one's ever gonna get this one. He's one half of Sinister Dexter, a gun totin' team from the pages of 2000AD, the universe's greatest comic.
Dex-Starr
And finally, we come to another comic book character, who is also a cat. And a super-baddie... kinda. He's one of Green Lantern's lot.
So, how many did you get? I got all of them, so if you didn't get as many as me you have been scientifically proven to be less clever than me!
Okay... Here they are:
This is, of course Dr K's lovely, stripy little pussy. Regular readers of this blog probably need no introduction to the evil, murderin' little bas... er... delightful bundle of fun!
Another murderer. This time he's the serial killing star of the show 'Dexter'. This is one of my favourite shows. Awesome!
Colin surely needs no introduction. He created Inspector Morse! Also, he has an OBE.
Slightly more obscure, this one. This Dexter is the lead singer of punk band The Offspring. The Offspring are ace!
This Dexter is the undisputed star of 90's kids's TV show, Press Gang. I hear he may have been in stuff since, but really... who cares?
Not many people will get this one. This Dexter is a comic artist most Fabius for his work on DC comics Superman/Batman title. Actually, that might not be what he's most famous for, but that's where I know him from. If you're interested, you can see some of his stuff Here.
I don't think this Dexter has a surname. He's just Dexter. From the cartoon Dexter's Laboratory, which is quite funny.
No-one's ever gonna get this one. He's one half of Sinister Dexter, a gun totin' team from the pages of 2000AD, the universe's greatest comic.
And finally, we come to another comic book character, who is also a cat. And a super-baddie... kinda. He's one of Green Lantern's lot.
So, how many did you get? I got all of them, so if you didn't get as many as me you have been scientifically proven to be less clever than me!
Monday, June 06, 2011
Dexters (Part One)
There are many Dexters in the world.. One of them is Dr K's cat.
Here is a selection of nine Dexters:
How many of them can you name? Some of them will be pretty hard, and - as a hint, one or two of them may even be fictional characters.
I shall post the answers tomorrow!
Here is a selection of nine Dexters:
How many of them can you name? Some of them will be pretty hard, and - as a hint, one or two of them may even be fictional characters.
I shall post the answers tomorrow!
Sunday, June 05, 2011
Adventures In Hairdressing
It has been a while since my last haircut. It's gone from a smart, although slightly convict-esque grade 2 to an unruly mop. To be fair, it's probably been about six months and you can't expect hair to be anything other than feral after six months of neglect.
Anyway, on a good day, it kinda looked like this:
I think you'll agree that even this is pretty unkempt, but most of the time it was just an unholy mess.
And then on Saturday, in the supermarket, without any influence from me, this happened:
Not the pop tarts. That was all my influence (Dr K made me put most of them back, anyway). The hair.
I spontaneously developed a side parting. One thing led to another and this picture ended up on Facebook and then someone posted the most terrible comment that could be afflicted on a man:
"How much do you look like your dad? Nice hair!"
Oh my god.
Something had to be done.
So my solution was to allow a slightly drunk, Scottish person to take the clippers to my head.
So we started with what appeared to be random hacking:
But it was not as random or hacky as it first appeared. Obviously (and not because of the drunkenness or the Scottishness), it was considered an important part of the hair clipping process to create... er... an artistic vision.
Nice, huh?
Anyway, despite a minor accident somewhere around the back, it all turned out fine in the end and now I look quite a lot like a convict again!
As an added bonus, we persuaded Dr K to create an awesome moustache from my discarded clippings!
Brilliant!
Anyway, on a good day, it kinda looked like this:
I think you'll agree that even this is pretty unkempt, but most of the time it was just an unholy mess.
And then on Saturday, in the supermarket, without any influence from me, this happened:
Not the pop tarts. That was all my influence (Dr K made me put most of them back, anyway). The hair.
I spontaneously developed a side parting. One thing led to another and this picture ended up on Facebook and then someone posted the most terrible comment that could be afflicted on a man:
"How much do you look like your dad? Nice hair!"
Oh my god.
Something had to be done.
So my solution was to allow a slightly drunk, Scottish person to take the clippers to my head.
So we started with what appeared to be random hacking:
But it was not as random or hacky as it first appeared. Obviously (and not because of the drunkenness or the Scottishness), it was considered an important part of the hair clipping process to create... er... an artistic vision.
Nice, huh?
Anyway, despite a minor accident somewhere around the back, it all turned out fine in the end and now I look quite a lot like a convict again!
As an added bonus, we persuaded Dr K to create an awesome moustache from my discarded clippings!
Brilliant!
Saturday, June 04, 2011
Take That, Glastonbury!
I happened across an awesome music festival whilst out and about today.
Sorry, Glastonbury. Your crown has just been stolen! You are no longer the King of music festivals.
And which festival surpassed you? Was it Download, maybe? The Reading or the Leeds festivals? Ozfest? V? One of the 'In The Parks', perhaps?
Hah. No. This festival wees on those from a very great height.
It's only the Bradley Stoke Radio (87.7 FM) Live Broadcast from the Square in Bradley Stoke.
Outside Tesco. You know.
When we got there, it was pumping out awesome tunes to the assembled masses! My god, it was amazing.
The were so many people there to hear the live playing of pre-recorded acts, that we could barely see the stage from our vantage point over by the trolley park.
I did manage to snap off this picture though, which conveys the excitement of the event:
Here's a closeup of the stage, where you can clearly see one of the amazing dance acts taking place. Maybe. If you squint. And imagine it in your head.
Oh, well. After all that excitement, I suppose I will have to go back to the monotony of my hum drum life.
Bye.
Sorry, Glastonbury. Your crown has just been stolen! You are no longer the King of music festivals.
And which festival surpassed you? Was it Download, maybe? The Reading or the Leeds festivals? Ozfest? V? One of the 'In The Parks', perhaps?
Hah. No. This festival wees on those from a very great height.
It's only the Bradley Stoke Radio (87.7 FM) Live Broadcast from the Square in Bradley Stoke.
Outside Tesco. You know.
When we got there, it was pumping out awesome tunes to the assembled masses! My god, it was amazing.
The were so many people there to hear the live playing of pre-recorded acts, that we could barely see the stage from our vantage point over by the trolley park.
I did manage to snap off this picture though, which conveys the excitement of the event:
Here's a closeup of the stage, where you can clearly see one of the amazing dance acts taking place. Maybe. If you squint. And imagine it in your head.
Oh, well. After all that excitement, I suppose I will have to go back to the monotony of my hum drum life.
Bye.
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