The P.O.O.F. Strikes Back!

So the response to my email to the Poncey Overpriced Organic Food Shop came back this morning. That was a nice quick turnaround. And it's from a co-founder, apparently.

Thank you for your interest in the c-change trust climate change banner in the Fresh and Wild store in Bristol.
I am sorry that you experienced some distress by what you read. If i may first directly respond to your concerns about our facts.

Climate change is now widely accepted across the scientific community as a reality.
The most up to date and solid scientific evidence for climate change presented by the IPCC may be viewed here : http://www.ipcc.ch/SPM2feb07.pdf

Far from being a false slogan, this IPCC report is accepted by almost every government in the world as solid fact.
From the world's largest corporations to the smallest business in every country, people are organising to reduce their carbon dioxide emissions on the basis of this evidence.
Many now realise that If we do not reduce our emissions of CO2 the Earth's temperature will increase to dangerous levels in the future.

Everybody produces some CO2 so we are all responsible in some small way, yet we can all do something really simple to reduce those emissions.
We must stress that this is certainly not a matter for feeling any guilt, the banners simply remind us that we are being required to act.

Fresh and Wild has supported the c-change trust in an important in-store awareness campaign concerning the carbon emissions behind food miles.
This campaign is not aimed at selling products but simply to allow valued customers to make a more informed consumer choice.

I hope this answers your question.
With kind regards

[...], Co-founder

If after reviewing the facts yourself perhaps you would like to offset your carbon emissions online? If so then please visit our website at www.thec-changetrust.org

It's nice that they interpreted my irrational need to wind up a faceless corporation as 'distress'.

So basically its the usual wishy washy claptrap that gets rolled out by climate change activists with it reference to the infamous and contentious IPCC report and bold claims about carbon dioxide and so-on. I'm still not seeing anything that [i]actually proves[/i] the influence of Man on the climate. In fact the report that he asks me to look at states:

The understanding of anthropogenic warming and cooling influences on climate has improved since the Third Assessment Report (TAR), leading to very high confidence7 that the globally averaged net effect of human activities since 1750 has been one of warming...

"A very high confidence" is in a whole different league to "it has been conclusively proven". Which makes the statement

Far from being a false slogan...

a little bit moot.

Next up: ddvmor gets narky about the use of the word 'Man' in the statement 'It has been proven that Man is the cause of global warming'. Sounds a bit sexist to me. Is the shop discriminating against me? Do women not create greenhouse gasses? I know... women who wear stiletto heels make smaller footprints, so...

Ho hum. That's my fun for the week. :) I'm going to go and offset my carbon emissions online now. I bet they want my credit card number...

FBI vs The Zombie Hordes

The title of this article on the BBC Website showed lots of promise:

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FBI tries to fight zombie hordes

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The sad reality, however was less interesting:

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The FBI is contacting more than one million PC owners who have had their computers hijacked by cyber criminals.

The initiative is part of an ongoing project to thwart the use of hijacked home computers, or zombies, as launch platforms for hi-tech crimes.

The FBI has found networks of zombie computers being used to spread spam, steal IDs and attack websites.

The agency said the zombies or bots were "a growing threat to national security".

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It would have been much better if it had read something like this:

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The FBI is contacting more than one million people who's friends and relatives have turned into flesh eating zombies.

The initiative is part of an ongoing project to thwart the hideous plans of the flesh eating zombies to munch their way through the world's population.

The FBI has found networks of rotting zombies being used to spread zombieism by chomping passers by.

The agency said the zombies "a growing threat to national security".

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Evil Organisations

So, one of the forums that I visit regularly recently had a Sky TV bashing thread and this got me to thinking.

It seems to me that as an organisation grows to a certain size, it acquires hate and revulsion. I'm not sure if it's a head count thing, a profits thing or a success thing. Sky gets it, Starbucks gets it, Tesco gets it, Lloyds TSB gets it and George Lucas, Michael Bay and Russell T Davies get it. I'm pretty sure that we're automatically programmed to hate success.

Remember the episode of South Park where the kids had to write a speech about Starbucks, which was taking over the local coffee shop? It was also the one with Tweek and the Underpants Gnomes, I think!

They came to the conclusion that it was right an proper that Starbucks was as big as it was because they did good coffee and had a good business model.

I think Sky have a pretty good model - they give their customers what they want and, more importantly they give their shareholders what they want. Everything they do is geared toward good business for them rather than what Virgin Media's customers want. I'm OK with it. I don't currently have Sky and it doesn't bother me (although I do have to get a mate to record Boston Legal for me!).

A quick search on google will show that the general opinion that is voiced about Tesco is that they are evil and bad, simply because they've expanded into a huge organisation. This guy states that this is because they made a billion pounds worth of profit the year before last.
My own dad pronounces that Banks such as Lloyds TSB are evil bloodsucking leeches because they posted 4 billion pounds profit off the backs of the hard working masses.

Joe Internet (Joe Public's computer literate cousin) seem to revile George Lucas these days because of the vast amount of money he makes off the Star Wars movies. Okay, his lastest movies weren't top notch, but apparently he only made them to squeeze a couple more billion dollars out of the franchise.

Well guess what, guys. The one thing that all these guys have in common is that they (or the people working for them) are very, very good at business. And the people who will suffer as a result of that are the ones who aren't very good at doing business.

Just sayin', is all...

Dazza And The Poncey Overpriced Organic Food Shop

Haven't posted for a while, so I'll share this anecdote:

I went into 'Fresh & Wild' on my way home from work yesterday evening. Not, as the name suggests some sort of strip joint, but a poncey, overpriced organic food shop.

My rational for going into a poncey overpriced organic food shop was that it's next door to another shop I had to visit and I couldn't be bothered to stop off at a supermarket on the way home.

So while I was in the poncey overpriced organic food shop, I noticed a large banner handing from the ceiling which read 'It has been proven that Man is the cause of global warming'.

Well, I said to myself, if it's on a banner hanging from the ceiling of a poncey overpriced organic food shop, it must be true.

Pff.

Anywhoo, I took this up with the slightly foreign girl behind the counter when I went to pay. The conversation went something like this.

JDK: Afternoon.
Girl: Hello. Do you need a carrier bag?
JDK: Yes, please.

The girl didn't look impressed. The sign behind the till suggested that I was supposed to save the planet by bringing my own.

Girl: Here.
JDK: Thanks. Can I ask you about that banner over there.
Girl: Which one?
JDK: The one that says 'It has been proven that Man is the cause of global warming'
Girl: What about it?
JDK: Well, it's not true, is it?
Girl: Of course it is.
JDK: Far from it actually. And I'm pretty sure that the presence of the sign is libellous.
Girl: What?

I'm pretty sure that this was the point that I lost her.

JDK: As one of the 'Men' to which it refers, I can confirm that I have not been convicted in court of causing global warming. Therefore the sign is libellous. It's untrue.
You should probably take it down - or at least amend it to 'Its possible that Man may be a partial contributary factor to global warming'.
Girl: That's £14.26, please.
JDK: Is this bag biodegradeable?
Girl: No.

I can't be certain as I was facing the other way at the time, but I'm pretty sure she made an attempt on my life as I left the poncey overpriced organic food shop.

Anyway, just for giggles, I decided to send the attached e-mail to their corporate HQ, which I tracked down to... well, somewhere in the States:

Dear sir/madam.

Whilst in your Bristol store yesterday evening, I noticed a large banner hanging from the ceiling which read 'It has been proven that Man is the cause of global warming'.

Now, I am unaware of any such proof existing and am of the understanding that this issue is in contention and has been for some years.

I would be grateful if you could provide a copy of said proof so that I can satisfy myself that the statement is true and not simply an alarmist and false slogan designed to sell your products - a prectice that is, I believe, illegal in this country. Indeed, as one of the 'Men' mentioned in this statement, I would consider this statement to be libellous and defamatory to my character.

You would not, after all, erect a banner declaring that an innocent man is a murderer or paedophile. I will, upon receipt of said evidence, consider my legal options.

I look forward to hearing from you in the very near future.

If they're sensible, they will ignore me and I'll probably go away, however I hopenthey send me a lovely defensive e-mail in return!

Incidentally, from the Poncey Overpriced Organic Food Shop, I purchased poncey overpriced organic sausages, poncey overpriced organic rice cakes, a jar of poncey overpriced organic bolognese sauce, a bottle of poncey overpriced organic red wine, a bottle of poncey overpriced organic apple and ginger juice, a packet of poncey overpriced organic seeds and beans, 2 pints of poncey overpriced organic skimmed milk, 2 pints of poncey overpriced organic semi skimmed milk and... er... that's it, I think. It would have come to about £7 or £8 in Tesco, I reckon.

And, as someone pointed out to me, if one uses an acronym to describe the Poncey Overpriced Organic Food shop, it would seem that I've been buying stuff in a P.O.O.F. Shop.