Dazza And The Poncey Overpriced Organic Food Shop

Haven't posted for a while, so I'll share this anecdote:

I went into 'Fresh & Wild' on my way home from work yesterday evening. Not, as the name suggests some sort of strip joint, but a poncey, overpriced organic food shop.

My rational for going into a poncey overpriced organic food shop was that it's next door to another shop I had to visit and I couldn't be bothered to stop off at a supermarket on the way home.

So while I was in the poncey overpriced organic food shop, I noticed a large banner handing from the ceiling which read 'It has been proven that Man is the cause of global warming'.

Well, I said to myself, if it's on a banner hanging from the ceiling of a poncey overpriced organic food shop, it must be true.

Pff.

Anywhoo, I took this up with the slightly foreign girl behind the counter when I went to pay. The conversation went something like this.

JDK: Afternoon.
Girl: Hello. Do you need a carrier bag?
JDK: Yes, please.

The girl didn't look impressed. The sign behind the till suggested that I was supposed to save the planet by bringing my own.

Girl: Here.
JDK: Thanks. Can I ask you about that banner over there.
Girl: Which one?
JDK: The one that says 'It has been proven that Man is the cause of global warming'
Girl: What about it?
JDK: Well, it's not true, is it?
Girl: Of course it is.
JDK: Far from it actually. And I'm pretty sure that the presence of the sign is libellous.
Girl: What?

I'm pretty sure that this was the point that I lost her.

JDK: As one of the 'Men' to which it refers, I can confirm that I have not been convicted in court of causing global warming. Therefore the sign is libellous. It's untrue.
You should probably take it down - or at least amend it to 'Its possible that Man may be a partial contributary factor to global warming'.
Girl: That's £14.26, please.
JDK: Is this bag biodegradeable?
Girl: No.

I can't be certain as I was facing the other way at the time, but I'm pretty sure she made an attempt on my life as I left the poncey overpriced organic food shop.

Anyway, just for giggles, I decided to send the attached e-mail to their corporate HQ, which I tracked down to... well, somewhere in the States:

Dear sir/madam.

Whilst in your Bristol store yesterday evening, I noticed a large banner hanging from the ceiling which read 'It has been proven that Man is the cause of global warming'.

Now, I am unaware of any such proof existing and am of the understanding that this issue is in contention and has been for some years.

I would be grateful if you could provide a copy of said proof so that I can satisfy myself that the statement is true and not simply an alarmist and false slogan designed to sell your products - a prectice that is, I believe, illegal in this country. Indeed, as one of the 'Men' mentioned in this statement, I would consider this statement to be libellous and defamatory to my character.

You would not, after all, erect a banner declaring that an innocent man is a murderer or paedophile. I will, upon receipt of said evidence, consider my legal options.

I look forward to hearing from you in the very near future.

If they're sensible, they will ignore me and I'll probably go away, however I hopenthey send me a lovely defensive e-mail in return!

Incidentally, from the Poncey Overpriced Organic Food Shop, I purchased poncey overpriced organic sausages, poncey overpriced organic rice cakes, a jar of poncey overpriced organic bolognese sauce, a bottle of poncey overpriced organic red wine, a bottle of poncey overpriced organic apple and ginger juice, a packet of poncey overpriced organic seeds and beans, 2 pints of poncey overpriced organic skimmed milk, 2 pints of poncey overpriced organic semi skimmed milk and... er... that's it, I think. It would have come to about £7 or £8 in Tesco, I reckon.

And, as someone pointed out to me, if one uses an acronym to describe the Poncey Overpriced Organic Food shop, it would seem that I've been buying stuff in a P.O.O.F. Shop.