How to use a urinal...

There seems to be a really fundamental lack of understanding both in my office and in the world of public toilets, in how to use a urinal. As I'm fed up of finding the Gents swimming in piss, I have prepared a simple guide which I propose should be stuck to the wall at head height above each and every urinal:

HOW TO USE THIS URINAL

1. Stand directly in front of and facing the urinal.

2. Direct your stream into the centre of the urinal.

You are equipped with a tool that points forward by default.

There is no need to direct your stream onto the floor to the left or to the right of the urinal.

There is no need to direct your stream onto the floor in front of the urinal.

If you are unable to follow these simple instructions, then for god's sake, go into a cubicle and SIT THE HELL DOWN! What are you? A toddler?

So last night I sold a bunch of stuff on ebay and one of the buyers appears to be an alien (or possibly a LOLcat. He sent me a message at about 11pm last night which read:

"hai i have paid the money u post da phone 2morrow asap im going on holliday
this week so plz send asap and can u leave feedback and reply with track no
thanks gujjar"

And then this morning at 9am:

"can u replay please"

Bit pushy, I think! Now, normally I get stuff in the post the very next day and then send the buyer an e-mail confirming it's on it's way so they get it as soon as possible and know it's status... but is it wrong that in this case I really, really want to just leave it a day or two (I gave myself a couple of days leeway in the listing).

Also I want to give him an English lesson. Maybe I should reply to him in a similarly unintelligible fashion:

"hai G ai pit da fone in postal adaytay yao get in too dais ur sumfin ai leaf
feedblack den"

Do you think he'd notice that I was taking the p*ss?

UPDATE: I sent it today after all. And left a relatively sensible message for him... I'm such a coward...

Doctor Who Season Finale!!!

Wow. How awesome was that!?!?

After a fantastic buildup last week with DALEKS and disappearing planets and DALEKS and everone who's ever been in Doctor Who and DALEKS and Bernard Cribbins and DALEKS and invasion fleets and DALEKS and the Doctor getting shot and maybe regenerating and DALEKS!!! And did I mention DALEKS? Loads of 'em!

And then this week we get DALEKS and DAVROS and DALEKS and TWO DOCTORS and DALEKS... and you get the idea. Awesome stuff! Yay!