We have a dinner lady in our canteen named Julie. She's rubbish. She's also a very friendly lady who tries to be very helpful, but that doesn't change the fact that she's rubbish at being a dinner lady.
By way of an example... I encountered her 3 times yesterday - once to buy my morning cuppa, once for my lunch and once for an afternoon cuppa.
She got the morning cuppa right.
Lunch was interesting... during her efforts to locate the mislaid leek and stilton sauce for my turkey escalope, mash and vegetables (it wasn't as nice as it sounds - it's a staff canteen, remember), she entirely forgot to give me the vegetables. So when I got my dinner downstairs and opened the styrofoam carton, I found turkey, mash and sauce, but no vegetables.
Then came the ultimate travesty. I popped up to the canteen just before it closed for my customary afternoon cuppa and, rather then ordinary tea, she gave me Earl Grey. I don't mind Earl Grey too much as long as it has no milk in it, but when you're expecting ordinary PG tips with a splash of milk, an Earl Grey with a splash of milk is a pretty horrible surprise.
She was mortified when I mentioned the Earl Grey incident to her. I briefly considered mentioning my lack of veggies to her, but decided that her heart probably couldn't take it!
On the other hand, she does give me larger portions than anyone else and always saves me an apple!
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Monday, September 10, 2007
My Bloody Phone!
I have decided that my mobile phone (that's cellphone to you colonials) is rubbish!It's supposed to be well cool. It's a Sony Ericsson P990. I used to have the P800 and then upgraded to the P900 - both excellent phones, despite the number of times I dropped 'em, sat on 'em and generally abused 'em. I only upgraded to the P990 cos I'd managed to horribly scratch the touchscreen and cracked the casing on my P900 quite badly!
I love the touchscreen which recognises my handwriting (Apple's iPhone ain't nuffink revolutionary!), I love that they stuck a full querty keyboard on it just in case I get bored with the handwriting recognition. I love the fact that I can browse the net and post on the bored board or facebook or check my e-mails. I love the little bit of software on it that lets me quickly check the cctv cameras on the motorway before I go home in the evening to ensure that there's no delays. I love the 2.3 megapixel camera on it and the huge storage capacity.
I love the touchscreen which recognises my handwriting (Apple's iPhone ain't nuffink revolutionary!), I love that they stuck a full querty keyboard on it just in case I get bored with the handwriting recognition. I love the fact that I can browse the net and post on the bored board or facebook or check my e-mails. I love the little bit of software on it that lets me quickly check the cctv cameras on the motorway before I go home in the evening to ensure that there's no delays. I love the 2.3 megapixel camera on it and the huge storage capacity.
But...
Not only does the clock on it lose about 10 minutes a week, it arbitrarily decides to disable the alarm clock function, randomly answers itself with no external intervention, frequently drops calls half way through - not that it makes much difference cos the sound quality on is rubbish anyway, switches on it's bluetooth function all by itself and connects itself to the handsfree earpiece I keep in the car - unless I'm actually in the car, in which case it refuses to connect to it at all; and takes about 3 weeks to do anything I ask it to. Just opening a text message to read is painful. The so-called 3G internet connection is slower than dialup on a bad day!
So basically, I'm fed up with it. It appears to be made of pants. Not fine Egyptian cotton pants, but nasty polyester pants from Primark. Problem is, I'm only about 6 months into an 18 month contract (when did they start doing that, anyway - it always used to be 12 months... grr) so I have no free/subsidised upgrade options.
What do I do. Should I grit my teeth and put up with the phone's rubbishness? Should I bite the bullet and fork out for a new one? Or should I just stop complaining?
Not only does the clock on it lose about 10 minutes a week, it arbitrarily decides to disable the alarm clock function, randomly answers itself with no external intervention, frequently drops calls half way through - not that it makes much difference cos the sound quality on is rubbish anyway, switches on it's bluetooth function all by itself and connects itself to the handsfree earpiece I keep in the car - unless I'm actually in the car, in which case it refuses to connect to it at all; and takes about 3 weeks to do anything I ask it to. Just opening a text message to read is painful. The so-called 3G internet connection is slower than dialup on a bad day!
So basically, I'm fed up with it. It appears to be made of pants. Not fine Egyptian cotton pants, but nasty polyester pants from Primark. Problem is, I'm only about 6 months into an 18 month contract (when did they start doing that, anyway - it always used to be 12 months... grr) so I have no free/subsidised upgrade options.
What do I do. Should I grit my teeth and put up with the phone's rubbishness? Should I bite the bullet and fork out for a new one? Or should I just stop complaining?
Friday, August 17, 2007
Grim
Oh dear god.
The following story is anecdotal. It allegedly happened to someone on the third floor, who told a friend of one of my colleagues. If it's true, most of the other grimness that you've read about is positively tame by comparison.
I suggest that if you are eating, or intending to eat any time soon, or you are simply of a delicate disposition, then you read no further.
This friend of a friend of a colleague was walking to the bus stop about 20 yards from the main entrance to our building. This stretch of pavement is quite public and is well trodden.
Waiting at the bus stop was a woman accompanied by around six children... one of which was taking a dump on the pavement!
To make matters worse than they already were (and you have to admit, it was already pretty bad) the mother, rather than scolding the child or at the very least, taking the child into the bushes to do it's dirty business, was chivvying the child along saying 'Haven't you finished yet? The bus will be here in a minute'.
Needless to say, the friend of a friend of a colleague took the wise decision not to wait for the bus at that stop, or, indeed to catch the same bus as this family from hell.
Now, it all sounds just a little far fetched, but on my way into the office this morning I pass that bus stop and I do recall having to side step what I thought was a dog turd...
What the hell is wrong with people? I mean, there's a public loo a few hundred yards down the street - was that too far to go? I'm sorry Stead. Your crossbow just won't do this time. We need to nuke Bedminster. Right now (actually, give me about 10 minutes to get out of the target zone)!
The following story is anecdotal. It allegedly happened to someone on the third floor, who told a friend of one of my colleagues. If it's true, most of the other grimness that you've read about is positively tame by comparison.
I suggest that if you are eating, or intending to eat any time soon, or you are simply of a delicate disposition, then you read no further.
This friend of a friend of a colleague was walking to the bus stop about 20 yards from the main entrance to our building. This stretch of pavement is quite public and is well trodden.
Waiting at the bus stop was a woman accompanied by around six children... one of which was taking a dump on the pavement!
To make matters worse than they already were (and you have to admit, it was already pretty bad) the mother, rather than scolding the child or at the very least, taking the child into the bushes to do it's dirty business, was chivvying the child along saying 'Haven't you finished yet? The bus will be here in a minute'.
Needless to say, the friend of a friend of a colleague took the wise decision not to wait for the bus at that stop, or, indeed to catch the same bus as this family from hell.
Now, it all sounds just a little far fetched, but on my way into the office this morning I pass that bus stop and I do recall having to side step what I thought was a dog turd...
What the hell is wrong with people? I mean, there's a public loo a few hundred yards down the street - was that too far to go? I'm sorry Stead. Your crossbow just won't do this time. We need to nuke Bedminster. Right now (actually, give me about 10 minutes to get out of the target zone)!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
The Jammie Dodger Bored Board Ain't on top no more! Oh noes....
Uh oh. The I have a blog. This is it. And this is me mentioning the Jammie Dodger Bored Board (aka the
You may now go about your normal business!
Monday, August 13, 2007
Bristol Balloon Fiesta
The weekend just gone played host to the Bristol Balloon Fiesta, which I attended for the first time. And I used my new video camera to record the proceeding. And here, courtesy of youtube is the finished product (in 2 parts!).
This footage is mainly of the evening mass liftoff which took place at Ashton Court at around 7pm; however the shots over Clifton Suspension Bridge and any really long shots you see were taken of the morning liftoff at about 7am on the same day from the area around Clifton Observatory and Clifton Village.
And this is the night glow!
This footage is mainly of the evening mass liftoff which took place at Ashton Court at around 7pm; however the shots over Clifton Suspension Bridge and any really long shots you see were taken of the morning liftoff at about 7am on the same day from the area around Clifton Observatory and Clifton Village.
And this is the night glow!
Friday, July 13, 2007
Beware the Killer Badgers
British blamed for Basra badgers
British forces have denied rumours that they released a plague of ferocious badgers into the Iraqi city of Basra.
Word spread among the populace that UK troops had introduced strange man-eating, bear-like beasts into the area to sow panic
But several of the creatures, caught and killed by local farmers, have been identified by experts as honey badgers.
The rumours spread because the animals had appeared near the British base at Basra airport.
UK military spokesman Major Mike Shearer said: "We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area.
"We have been told these are indigenous nocturnal carnivores that don't attack humans unless cornered."
The director of Basra's veterinary hospital, Mushtaq Abdul-Mahdi, has inspected several of the animals' corpses.
He told the AFP news agency: "These appeared before the fall of the regime in 1986. They are known locally as Al-Girta.
"Talk that this animal was brought by the British forces is incorrect and unscientific."
Dr Ghazi Yaqub Azzam, deputy dean of Basra's veterinary college, speculated that the badgers were being driven towards the city because of flooding in marshland north of Basra.
But the assurances did little to convince some members of the public.
One housewife, Suad Hassan, 30, claimed she had been attacked by one of the badgers as she slept.
"My husband hurried to shoot it but it was as swift as a deer," she said. "It is the size of a dog but his head is like a monkey," she told AFP.
Heh heh heh... "We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area."
Actually, I much prefer the calm measued reporting of the incident from the Australian Daily telegraph:
Giant badgers terrorise Iraqi port city
THE Iraqi port city of Basra, already prey to a nasty turf war between rival militia factions, has now been gripped by a scary rumour giant badgers are stalking the streets by night, eating humans.
The animals were allegedly released into the area by British forces.
Local farmers have caught and killed several of the beasts, but this has done nothing to dispel the rumour.
Iraqi scientists have attempted to calm things down. However, the story has spread like wildfire in the streets of the city and the villages round about.
Mushtaq Abdul-Mahdi, director of Basra's veterinary hospital, has inspected the corpses of several badgers and tries to reassure Iraqis that the animals are not a new post-war arrival in the region.
These animals appeared before the fall of the regime in 1986. They are known as Al-Ghirayri and locally as Al-Girta, he told AFP. Talk that this animal was brought by the British forces is incorrect and unscientific.
Not everybody is convinced.
I believe this animal appeared following a raid to the region by the British forces, said Ali Mohsen, a farmer in his 40s from Karmat Ali, near the air base used by the multinational force.
As we are close to the airport, they probably released this animal into the area.
[...]
British army spokesman Major David Gell said the animals were thought to be a kind of honey badger melivora capensis which can be fierce but are not usually dangerous to humans unless provoked.
They are native to the region but rare in Iraq. They're nocturnal carnivores with a fearsome reputation, but they don't stalk humans and carry them back to their lair, he said.
Both the scientists and the soldiers agree that the badger ought not to be a danger to humans, but so far they have failed to reassure the populace.
[...]
Sattar Jabbar, a 50-year-old local farmer from Abu Sakhar north of Basra, believes the badger can tackle even large prey.
I saw it three days ago at night attacking animals. It even ate a cow. It tore the cow up piece by piece. I tried to shoot it with my gun but it ran away into the orchards. I missed it, he said.
All together now... badger badger badger...
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Inane Babble
Just to make up for the general quietness on here recently, here is some of my trademarked inane babble for you to enjoy:
[babble]
There's a new girl in my office. She's quite petite and a redhead. Not bad looking. Today, however she's wearing a jumper that makes her look like a bumble bee. And she has a habit of showing bum cleavage which, contrary to expactations, isn't very nice. So there's a whole bumblebee bum cleavage thing going on there. I wonder what she'll dress as tomorrow.
I'm also enjoying the view outside my window at the moment. It's been a pretty deary miserable day and has been raining on and off, and it's amusing me to watch the poor, poor smokers who now have to huddle under the one tree in the car park while they smoe their fags. They all look really miserable.
Also, my right hand has been twitching all day. My little finger and my thumb keep going in unison and I don't know why. Also my index finger keeps going off and I find myself accidentally clicking stuff with the mouse. It's quite comical. And I have a tiny bit of pins and needles in the fingers of both hands. Am I going to die?
[/babble]
[babble]
There's a new girl in my office. She's quite petite and a redhead. Not bad looking. Today, however she's wearing a jumper that makes her look like a bumble bee. And she has a habit of showing bum cleavage which, contrary to expactations, isn't very nice. So there's a whole bumblebee bum cleavage thing going on there. I wonder what she'll dress as tomorrow.
I'm also enjoying the view outside my window at the moment. It's been a pretty deary miserable day and has been raining on and off, and it's amusing me to watch the poor, poor smokers who now have to huddle under the one tree in the car park while they smoe their fags. They all look really miserable.
Also, my right hand has been twitching all day. My little finger and my thumb keep going in unison and I don't know why. Also my index finger keeps going off and I find myself accidentally clicking stuff with the mouse. It's quite comical. And I have a tiny bit of pins and needles in the fingers of both hands. Am I going to die?
[/babble]
Thursday, July 05, 2007
18th Century France smells really bad!
Last night, Dr Karen and I watched Perfume: the story of a murderer on DVD.
It's a pretty odd movie about a guy who has a super duper sense of smell - kinda like a super power. It's set in 18th century france, which smelled really bad, so he hasn't got a lot going for him! Anyway, he decides to become a perfumier and then decides that he has to make the perfect scent, which he can only go by...er... distilling the scent of various hot french chicks. By killing them, obviously.
They guy playing the lead, Ben Whishaw, who I've never heard of, was very good in his part - not very eloquent, but sniffs really well and has some pretty good body language going on.
Dustin Hoffman plays a professional italian perfumier who hires Sniffer Boy, but since the rest of the cast is English, puts on a decidedly ropey english accent. It doesn't detract from the movie though - he just comes off as a bit odd, which is perfectly in keeping with pretty much everything else in the film.
Alan Rickman turns up half way through the film and lends his...er... Alan Rickmanness to the proceedings. He's always cool. Oh and John Hurt adds his dulcet tones to the mix as a narrator.
It's not actually a gory film, although the first few minutes have some yucky close ups of some rather unpleasant bits and pieces, depicting the nasty grimness of the slums in which the main character is born. After that, it's not so bad. There are several boobies in it and the end is totally unexpected and rather naked. More naked than you could possibly imagine!
I really enjoyed it and I think Dr K did too. Another great movie that ignores Hollywood conventions and goes off and does it's own thing! Watch it if you get a chance.
It's a pretty odd movie about a guy who has a super duper sense of smell - kinda like a super power. It's set in 18th century france, which smelled really bad, so he hasn't got a lot going for him! Anyway, he decides to become a perfumier and then decides that he has to make the perfect scent, which he can only go by...er... distilling the scent of various hot french chicks. By killing them, obviously.
They guy playing the lead, Ben Whishaw, who I've never heard of, was very good in his part - not very eloquent, but sniffs really well and has some pretty good body language going on.
Dustin Hoffman plays a professional italian perfumier who hires Sniffer Boy, but since the rest of the cast is English, puts on a decidedly ropey english accent. It doesn't detract from the movie though - he just comes off as a bit odd, which is perfectly in keeping with pretty much everything else in the film.
Alan Rickman turns up half way through the film and lends his...er... Alan Rickmanness to the proceedings. He's always cool. Oh and John Hurt adds his dulcet tones to the mix as a narrator.
It's not actually a gory film, although the first few minutes have some yucky close ups of some rather unpleasant bits and pieces, depicting the nasty grimness of the slums in which the main character is born. After that, it's not so bad. There are several boobies in it and the end is totally unexpected and rather naked. More naked than you could possibly imagine!
I really enjoyed it and I think Dr K did too. Another great movie that ignores Hollywood conventions and goes off and does it's own thing! Watch it if you get a chance.
Friday, June 15, 2007
The P.O.O.F. Strikes Back!
So the response to my email to the Poncey Overpriced Organic Food Shop came back this morning. That was a nice quick turnaround. And it's from a co-founder, apparently.
It's nice that they interpreted my irrational need to wind up a faceless corporation as 'distress'.
So basically its the usual wishy washy claptrap that gets rolled out by climate change activists with it reference to the infamous and contentious IPCC report and bold claims about carbon dioxide and so-on. I'm still not seeing anything that [i]actually proves[/i] the influence of Man on the climate. In fact the report that he asks me to look at states:
"A very high confidence" is in a whole different league to "it has been conclusively proven". Which makes the statement
a little bit moot.
Next up: ddvmor gets narky about the use of the word 'Man' in the statement 'It has been proven that Man is the cause of global warming'. Sounds a bit sexist to me. Is the shop discriminating against me? Do women not create greenhouse gasses? I know... women who wear stiletto heels make smaller footprints, so...
Ho hum. That's my fun for the week. :) I'm going to go and offset my carbon emissions online now. I bet they want my credit card number...
Thank you for your interest in the c-change trust climate change banner in the Fresh and Wild store in Bristol.
I am sorry that you experienced some distress by what you read. If i may first directly respond to your concerns about our facts.
Climate change is now widely accepted across the scientific community as a reality.
The most up to date and solid scientific evidence for climate change presented by the IPCC may be viewed here : http://www.ipcc.ch/SPM2feb07.pdf
Far from being a false slogan, this IPCC report is accepted by almost every government in the world as solid fact.
From the world's largest corporations to the smallest business in every country, people are organising to reduce their carbon dioxide emissions on the basis of this evidence.
Many now realise that If we do not reduce our emissions of CO2 the Earth's temperature will increase to dangerous levels in the future.
Everybody produces some CO2 so we are all responsible in some small way, yet we can all do something really simple to reduce those emissions.
We must stress that this is certainly not a matter for feeling any guilt, the banners simply remind us that we are being required to act.
Fresh and Wild has supported the c-change trust in an important in-store awareness campaign concerning the carbon emissions behind food miles.
This campaign is not aimed at selling products but simply to allow valued customers to make a more informed consumer choice.
I hope this answers your question.
With kind regards
[...], Co-founder
If after reviewing the facts yourself perhaps you would like to offset your carbon emissions online? If so then please visit our website at www.thec-changetrust.org
It's nice that they interpreted my irrational need to wind up a faceless corporation as 'distress'.
So basically its the usual wishy washy claptrap that gets rolled out by climate change activists with it reference to the infamous and contentious IPCC report and bold claims about carbon dioxide and so-on. I'm still not seeing anything that [i]actually proves[/i] the influence of Man on the climate. In fact the report that he asks me to look at states:
The understanding of anthropogenic warming and cooling influences on climate has improved since the Third Assessment Report (TAR), leading to very high confidence7 that the globally averaged net effect of human activities since 1750 has been one of warming...
"A very high confidence" is in a whole different league to "it has been conclusively proven". Which makes the statement
Far from being a false slogan...
a little bit moot.
Next up: ddvmor gets narky about the use of the word 'Man' in the statement 'It has been proven that Man is the cause of global warming'. Sounds a bit sexist to me. Is the shop discriminating against me? Do women not create greenhouse gasses? I know... women who wear stiletto heels make smaller footprints, so...
Ho hum. That's my fun for the week. :) I'm going to go and offset my carbon emissions online now. I bet they want my credit card number...
FBI vs The Zombie Hordes
The title of this article on the BBC Website showed lots of promise:
FBI tries to fight zombie hordes
The sad reality, however was less interesting:
The FBI is contacting more than one million PC owners who have had their computers hijacked by cyber criminals.
The initiative is part of an ongoing project to thwart the use of hijacked home computers, or zombies, as launch platforms for hi-tech crimes.
The FBI has found networks of zombie computers being used to spread spam, steal IDs and attack websites.
The agency said the zombies or bots were "a growing threat to national security".
It would have been much better if it had read something like this:
The FBI is contacting more than one million people who's friends and relatives have turned into flesh eating zombies.
The initiative is part of an ongoing project to thwart the hideous plans of the flesh eating zombies to munch their way through the world's population.
The FBI has found networks of rotting zombies being used to spread zombieism by chomping passers by.
The agency said the zombies "a growing threat to national security".
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