In Which Dazza Discusses The Perils of Prejudice In Sport.

We live in a world in which we're not allowed to be prejudiced. We have to give the same opportunities to people no matter what their gender, race or disability may be. The only demographic that is routinely discriminated against these days, is the able bodied, white, straight male.

Thinking about it though, there is a particular walk of life that, amongst other evils, is horribly prejudiced and, rather than being reviled for it, is actually celebrated.

I'm thinking sport.

Take the Olympics, for example. You never see big lardy people taking part in the 100 metres or the triple jump. The level of discrimination against fat people in the Olympics is, frankly, disgusting.

'Yes,' I hear you counter,'but it's not discrimination. It's just that with the best will in the world, a 25 stone heffer just isn't going to be as quick over 100 metres as Hussain Bolt. They just don't perform well enough!'

'You're an idiot,' I say in response. 'The events at the Olympics are clearly geared towards people with a particular body shape. A thin, muscular body shape. Not a body shape that looks like a dumpling.'

'I see your point,' you reply. 'So what sort of events might a big fat bloater excel at?'

'I'm glad you asked.'

Olympic Sitting.  Yeah, that's right, sitting.  No-one can sit quite like a fat person.  They're really good at it.  It's one of the reasons why they're so fat.  It's almost a self perpetuating sport.

Olympic Eating.  This is one of the other reasons why us fatties are so fat.  We're very, very good at eating.  I bet Paula Radcliffe couldn't put away as many doughnuts as me!

Olympic Rolling.  Lets face it, fatness and gravity will work together to make this one a sporty dominated by plumpers.  The fatness makes them nice and round.  Thin people are far too angular to excel at this sport!

Olympic Jock-Squishing.  If Robert Wolski sat on you, you would probably just bat him away.  If I sat on you, you would die.  And I'm not even that fat.

Sport appears to be more about advertising than about athletic achievement, anyway.  Maybe I can get sponsorship from Pukka Pies or Krispy Kreme to fund my new found career.

I have to go and train, now.  I'll be by the fridge if you need me.