After I posted about my misfortune on Facebook, I was asked if I would share my wisdom and experience further by producing a list of things that you probably shouldn't do.
So here it is. In case you're wondering, all of these have been verified by me or a trusted third party.
1: Pour boiling water from the kettle onto your hand. Now you wouldn't really think this needed to be said, but apparently there are some idiots out there that still think its a good idea.
2: Eat spicy food before bed. I know, it sounds like an awesome idea, but I am reliably informed that your anus will take revenge in the morning.
3: Leave a dead mouse right where the Sky engineer is going to set up his ladder. Unless of course you like bursty dead mouse guts squirting all over the patio and his shoes!
4: Inhale tinsel. It hurts.
5: Tell people about your week off. Because they find things for you to do!
6: Make fajitas with vegetarian 'steak'. It's like eating brown strips of polluted snot. You know, like when you've been in the London Underground. Yuck.
7. Offer to make a 6 episode cartoon series for your brother in your spare time. Turns out it takes up every waking moment of your life.
8. Leave the TV on BBC1. Because at some point, Eastenders will come on and make you bleed from your eyes and ears!
9. Imply that they may be a list of things not to do. Because then people expect you to show them the list. Lucky I'm good at listing things!
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