Saturday, February 19, 2005

Things I hate about my cats...

I've just come across this blog which documents one person's daily struggle with a nightmare flatmate. I have to say that I sympathise greatly with him/her and in the spirit of this... er... sympathy I thought I'd write my own little tribute to it. As I don't live in a flat and wouldn't dare diss my wife, the only valid target for my wrath is my cats:

I came home last night night to what I can only describe as a 'Godawful Stench'. It smelled like someone had filled the house with the worst kind of diahorrea. I'm sorry to be so gross, but you must understand what I have to contend with.

Upon investigating the smell, I discovered thast one of the cats had elected to deposit a turd - not in the litter tray as one might expect, but next to it. And it wasn't just any turd. It was a soft, glistening, soggy turd of the sort that might be the result of an upset tummy.

So, having disposed of the offending item, thoroughly cleaned the piece of carpet on which it had been deposited and doused the entire house in lavender scented air freshener I sat down for a cup of tea.

Only to suffer the onset of another wave of horrible horrible odour.

There was a moment there, where I was convinced that I was going to die. No human being can be subjected to such nasal torture and survive. Fortunately however, I did.

Guess what I discovered when I found the source of the smell? Yes, you've got it in one. Another toxic turd in the exact same spot.

Grrrrrraaaagh.

There are many other reasons for me to hate my cats... the constant moulting, the holes in things, the vets bills.

But todays reason for hating my cats is the nasty nasty turds they leave in my house. It bugs me to the point that I drew a picture of it:



I don't really hate them. They're very nice.

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