So I thought I'd continue to celebrate my awesome achievement by writing another tea related post.
I've been thinking for a while that we need to lay down a few simple rules around the supply and consumption of tea.
How many rules? I hear you ask. Why, nine of course!
1. It's always your turn to make the tea. Look, I make way more cups of tea than I get made for me. I'm in a permanent state of tea deficit and it makes me grumpy. So far today I've made ten cups of tea and drank five and a half (see point 6). Of the five and a half that I drank, I made all but one and a half. You owe me tea. So don't test me, bitches.
2. Never, ever put the milk in first!. Yeah, that's right. There's a million reasons why you shouldn't put the milk in first, but the most important one is that it makes a shitty cup of tea!
3. Three minutes.. That's the minimum amount of time it takes to brew my tea. I don't care if you've read a study by the University of Northumbria that says 2 minutes is best. I don't want that weak-ass crap.
4. That said, I'll probably drink it. . Because let's face it, a cup of tea is a cup of tea. And my boss promised that the milk was okay this morning. I drank it even though it made me gag a little.
5. Use the big mug. Honestly, I put this rule in writing ages ago. We really shouldn't have to go over it again.
6. And fill it up, for pity's sake! Certain people - you know who you are - use the big mug, but only half fill it. That, my friends is known in the trade as 'taking the piss'.
7. Don't call it what it's not! It it ain't made of tea, it ain't tea. Peppermint ain't tea. Lemon ain't tea. Raspberry and euthanasia ain't tea. Green is tea, but it tastes like badger pee and sticks.
8. If you put sugar in it, you're doing it wrong.. Same goes for that sweetener crap. I mean, just have a cup of sugary water instead, cus you can't taste the damn tea.
9. Tea = Civilisation.. It's this simple: the more tea you drink, the more civilised you are. Which pretty much means that I'm more civilised than you. Yeah, okay. I ran out of ideas. Look at this picture instead!
Phew. I think I got away with that!
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