A Brief Guide To Romancing The Womenfolk

The womenfolk are actually quite lovely, and if you play your cards right, yours might let you play with her jubblies for a little bit at bedtime. Here are a few tips to help make this happen.

1. Stare meaningfully at her jubblies. All ladies like to feel special, and putting some effort into looking at her jubblies while she's droning on about her day will send her the clear message that you think she's beautiful and had a lovely figure.

2. Leave her to do all of the housework.. By nature, the ladies like to nest and by letting them do this without interfering, you communicate that you respect her right to have the house just how she likes it. She'll be grateful!

3. Cut her food up for her.. Ladies are physically weak, but very prideful. By cutting up her food for her, you're letting her know that you care about her without forcing her to ask for your help.

4. Don't give her the remote. When ladies have the remote control, they're forced to think about what they want to watch. This won't do. They need to concentrate all of their lovely brainpower into looking delightful for you, so do her a favour and relieve her of the burden of responsibility. Your programmes are better than hers anyway.

5. Fiddle with your crotch while you talk to her. This will send her subconcious the message that she's sexy and that you would totally do her.

6. Buy her a whole bunch of shiny tat. Ladies brains are very similar to those of magpies, in that they love to hoard shiny things. Anyone that adds to their collection of shiny things is in with a chance! Foil milk bottle tops are particularly effective.

7. Make her a hot water bottle. Cold feet are a terrible problem for ladies as they are often too busy thinking about unicorns and handbags to worry about less important things like circulation. The hot water bottle will improve the circulation, diverting the blood from the brain area and allowing more to go to the lady parts.

8. Let her pay for dinner. It's empowering, and empowerment makes the ladies way horny. Yeah.

9. Pet Names. It's important to have a pet name for your lady that really shows how you feel about her and clearly defines the relationship. 'Honeybunch', 'Sweet' or 'Buttercup' are too sickly and might make her vomit. Conversely, while 'Bitch' or 'Whore' may be accurate for some relationships, they are probably a bit too explicit. What you need is some sort of happy medium. Like 'Honey-slag' or 'Butterho'.

If you've followed all of these suggestions, then you just got laid! High Five!