Rochester here.
After Dazza's appalling, rubbish blog post last night, I have taken over in order to bring you the sort of quality post that I think you deserve.
Without further ado, here are some simple rules that will help you live in harmony with me:
1. That is not YOUR bed. It's mine.
2. You are responsible for the weather. Particularly when it's cold, windy and/or raining. Never be in any doubt that I hold you entirely responsible.
3. That is not YOUR lap. It's mine.
4. When I order you to feed me, I mean NOW. And now. And now.
5. That is not YOUR expensive rug. It's mine.
6. I decide when it's time to play, not you.
7. That is not YOUR top of the range HD 3D TV set. It's mine. And I'll sit in front of it if I want to.
8. If you can see my anus, it's because I love you. Unless there's something coming out, in which case it means you're in my litter tray.
9. That is not YOUR roast dinner with delicious hot gravy. It's mine.
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