Just went to see ths with Stead and Woolie. It's a crime caper type flick with Pierce Brosnan, Selma Hayek and Woody Harrelson. It was ok. Passed a couple of hours. Couldn't decide whether to be a comedy or not. Brosnan played er... Brosnan. Selma still can't act, but she's always a pleasure to watch (hur hur hur). Some clumsy twists at the end kinda spoiled it.
Never mind. Saw juicy trailers for Star Wars and Batman. Cooooool.
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Friday, November 19, 2004
Episode 37: In which Vic gets into a scrape and I bemoan the lack of signposts in Cheltenham
We took a day off to go shopping in Cheltenham today. I was told by those in the know (i.e. Vicky) that we needed to go to Cheltenham because it had good shopping. I couldn't contain my excitement. In fact I found the sheer, giddy anticipation I felt for the trip caused my speech patterns to descend into sarcasm...
Moving on...
What started as an uneventful journey to Cheltenham rapidly descended into a farce once we entered the outskirts of the city. There were almost no signposts at all pointing us towards the town centre, so we found ourselves taking guesses at the various junctions and roundabouts. Fortunately, it seemed that the Toyota in front of us knew where we were going because we managed to follow it most of the way into town.
Our next problem came when Vic turned down the narrowest road in the world, thinking that it would lead to the huge car park just of the main road. It didn't, so Vic found herself doing a 300 point turn at the end of the road. Unfortunately there was a poorly placed iron railing on one side, with which the side of the car became very intimate. We now have a lovely scrape down the nearside rear door and wheel arch. I'm looking forward to the bill for that one. To her credit, Vic got the car out of a space designed for a hamster. A very small hamster.
Continuing into Cheltenham, we encoutered no signs at all, relying instead on following the majority of the traffic which, we assumed would be heading for the centre of town. Fortunately we were right and we did, indeed end up in the centre. The route, however gave us the ditinct impression that we were going in circles, spiralling in to an inevitable rendezvous with one of the most poorly designed multi storey car parks I have ever encountered. More on that later.
Cheltenham itself was ok. In the same way that every city centre is ok. There was an M&S, a WH Smith, an HMV... you get the idea. Pleasant enough, but nothing to make it stand out from city centres around the country. Not much in the way of all-day-breakfasts either, which considering I'd had no breakfast that morning was something of a disappointment.
One cheese and beans jacket potato and a ton of shopping bags later, we met up with Kris (I know, it's amazing. A friend who hasn't had his name bastardised by the Morrissey Naming Convention) who had been training for his new job in the Cheltenham branch of the jewellery shop he's just started work at. It was actually his second day on the job, and his first job in about 2 years, having been somewhat poorly for quite some time. We popped back to his hotel so he could get changed and met the proprietor who had an amazing french accent that sounded like it had fallen straight out of Allo Allo. I was expecting to see a framed Fallen Madonna With Ze Big Boobies on the wall in the lounge. Kris was pretty happy and enthusiastic about his new job - which makes a nice change as he's been pretty low recently.
We went for a meal in Bella Italia, which was pretty good and I managed to persuade one of the waiters to make a balloon giraffe for Vic before we left. Nice big tip there!
And then we headed back to the car park. I mentioned before that this wasn't a great car park. Well this next little incident tipped the scale from 'not a great' car park to a 'bloody stupid f*cking piece of cr*p' car park.
It had one of those payment systems by which you collect a card on entry and pay on yopur return. We had resigned ouselves to the fact that it was going to cost us £14 already (yes, I know. £14 to park a car. Now I know how sheep feel in the summer). What we did not account for (and could not have planned for) was that the machine was designed with a time limit in mind - a limit on the amount of time you had to insert the neccessary coinage. We had a handful of change and inserted the coins, as you do. Just as we inserted the penultimate coin, the machine spat out all of the previously inserted coins telling us that were were taking too long about about it.
So we tried again, this time inserting the coins as fast as we possibly could. Again, the machine petulantly spat the coins out at us. Bastard. If the town council are gonna charge us 14 quid to park in their poxy car park, they have to expect that it's gonna take a bit of time to put the damn coins in.
Before we tried a third time, we seached our pockets and dredged the fathomless depths of Vic's handbag for any higher value coinage we could use to decrease the overall insertion time. Third time lucky, although I'm sure I heard the machine chuckling evilly to itself as we made our way back to the car.
Again, on the way out of Cheltenham, there was a distinct absence of signage - one motorway sign at the end of the road with the car park set us off in a direction... then we found ourselves on the Oxford A40 road, which could have lead to disaster if not for my eagle eyes spotting the tiniest, tiniest little M5 sign.
Anyway. I'm home now. It's warm and my belly is full. Vic's gone up to bed, and I suspect I'm supposed to be on my way there now, so I'd better wrap this up.
Ciao for now!
Moving on...
What started as an uneventful journey to Cheltenham rapidly descended into a farce once we entered the outskirts of the city. There were almost no signposts at all pointing us towards the town centre, so we found ourselves taking guesses at the various junctions and roundabouts. Fortunately, it seemed that the Toyota in front of us knew where we were going because we managed to follow it most of the way into town.
Our next problem came when Vic turned down the narrowest road in the world, thinking that it would lead to the huge car park just of the main road. It didn't, so Vic found herself doing a 300 point turn at the end of the road. Unfortunately there was a poorly placed iron railing on one side, with which the side of the car became very intimate. We now have a lovely scrape down the nearside rear door and wheel arch. I'm looking forward to the bill for that one. To her credit, Vic got the car out of a space designed for a hamster. A very small hamster.
Continuing into Cheltenham, we encoutered no signs at all, relying instead on following the majority of the traffic which, we assumed would be heading for the centre of town. Fortunately we were right and we did, indeed end up in the centre. The route, however gave us the ditinct impression that we were going in circles, spiralling in to an inevitable rendezvous with one of the most poorly designed multi storey car parks I have ever encountered. More on that later.
Cheltenham itself was ok. In the same way that every city centre is ok. There was an M&S, a WH Smith, an HMV... you get the idea. Pleasant enough, but nothing to make it stand out from city centres around the country. Not much in the way of all-day-breakfasts either, which considering I'd had no breakfast that morning was something of a disappointment.
One cheese and beans jacket potato and a ton of shopping bags later, we met up with Kris (I know, it's amazing. A friend who hasn't had his name bastardised by the Morrissey Naming Convention) who had been training for his new job in the Cheltenham branch of the jewellery shop he's just started work at. It was actually his second day on the job, and his first job in about 2 years, having been somewhat poorly for quite some time. We popped back to his hotel so he could get changed and met the proprietor who had an amazing french accent that sounded like it had fallen straight out of Allo Allo. I was expecting to see a framed Fallen Madonna With Ze Big Boobies on the wall in the lounge. Kris was pretty happy and enthusiastic about his new job - which makes a nice change as he's been pretty low recently.
We went for a meal in Bella Italia, which was pretty good and I managed to persuade one of the waiters to make a balloon giraffe for Vic before we left. Nice big tip there!
And then we headed back to the car park. I mentioned before that this wasn't a great car park. Well this next little incident tipped the scale from 'not a great' car park to a 'bloody stupid f*cking piece of cr*p' car park.
It had one of those payment systems by which you collect a card on entry and pay on yopur return. We had resigned ouselves to the fact that it was going to cost us £14 already (yes, I know. £14 to park a car. Now I know how sheep feel in the summer). What we did not account for (and could not have planned for) was that the machine was designed with a time limit in mind - a limit on the amount of time you had to insert the neccessary coinage. We had a handful of change and inserted the coins, as you do. Just as we inserted the penultimate coin, the machine spat out all of the previously inserted coins telling us that were were taking too long about about it.
So we tried again, this time inserting the coins as fast as we possibly could. Again, the machine petulantly spat the coins out at us. Bastard. If the town council are gonna charge us 14 quid to park in their poxy car park, they have to expect that it's gonna take a bit of time to put the damn coins in.
Before we tried a third time, we seached our pockets and dredged the fathomless depths of Vic's handbag for any higher value coinage we could use to decrease the overall insertion time. Third time lucky, although I'm sure I heard the machine chuckling evilly to itself as we made our way back to the car.
Again, on the way out of Cheltenham, there was a distinct absence of signage - one motorway sign at the end of the road with the car park set us off in a direction... then we found ourselves on the Oxford A40 road, which could have lead to disaster if not for my eagle eyes spotting the tiniest, tiniest little M5 sign.
Anyway. I'm home now. It's warm and my belly is full. Vic's gone up to bed, and I suspect I'm supposed to be on my way there now, so I'd better wrap this up.
Ciao for now!
Sunday, November 14, 2004
GTA: SA
This afternoon, I stole a jet and flew it to San Fierro, where I got shot down by a military jet.
The Visitation.
You will be pleased to hear that I survived the visit from Mum and Dad.
Just. I came very close to a sticky, sticky end once or twice.
They turned up at lunchtime as promised. We went out to lunch, which was fine. Then Vic (and I almost murdered her on the spot for this) suggested that we all go to the Mall at Cribbs Causeway for a bit of shopping.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
The Mall on a Saturday afternoon. One of my worst nightmares, second only to the one where I'm being eaten alive by oompah loompahs. It was busy. Very busy. No, I should clairfy that. I wouldn't want you to miss out on the full horror of the experience. It was really f*cking busy.
Still, Dad didn't want to be there either. So we followed the girls around, mmmm-ing and aahhhh-ing at the appropriate moments. We were there for four hellish hours before it was decided that we should go home.
After a cuppa at home, Mum announced that she needed to watch something on the telly. It was then that I discovered that there was, indeed something worse than Most Haunted Live. Yes, I was subjected to Strictly Come Dancing. An hour of watching celebrities dance badly, being egged on by Bruce Bloody Forsythe. And as if that wasn't bad enough, at the end he decided to perform a duet with non other than Donny Osmond.
It was around this time that I seriously contempleted suicide. The oompah loompas were actually looking quite attractive.
To be fair, though, Mum played nicely. the subject of Christmas never came up. She didn't use the word 'Misery' once and (the Mall and Strictly Come Dancing notwithstanding) we had quite a nice day.
Just. I came very close to a sticky, sticky end once or twice.
They turned up at lunchtime as promised. We went out to lunch, which was fine. Then Vic (and I almost murdered her on the spot for this) suggested that we all go to the Mall at Cribbs Causeway for a bit of shopping.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
The Mall on a Saturday afternoon. One of my worst nightmares, second only to the one where I'm being eaten alive by oompah loompahs. It was busy. Very busy. No, I should clairfy that. I wouldn't want you to miss out on the full horror of the experience. It was really f*cking busy.
Still, Dad didn't want to be there either. So we followed the girls around, mmmm-ing and aahhhh-ing at the appropriate moments. We were there for four hellish hours before it was decided that we should go home.
After a cuppa at home, Mum announced that she needed to watch something on the telly. It was then that I discovered that there was, indeed something worse than Most Haunted Live. Yes, I was subjected to Strictly Come Dancing. An hour of watching celebrities dance badly, being egged on by Bruce Bloody Forsythe. And as if that wasn't bad enough, at the end he decided to perform a duet with non other than Donny Osmond.
It was around this time that I seriously contempleted suicide. The oompah loompas were actually looking quite attractive.
To be fair, though, Mum played nicely. the subject of Christmas never came up. She didn't use the word 'Misery' once and (the Mall and Strictly Come Dancing notwithstanding) we had quite a nice day.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
I've Been Really Bad...
I haven't posted for a couple of weeks now. How can I expect you to get on with your hum-drum lives without getting your regular update from the Land of D?
Well. What have I been up to?
I've ordered my PC from the Banks HCI Scheme. This is the scheme by which an employee hires a pc from their employer and receives, not only a significant discount on the cost of the pc, but also a tax break from the government, 3 years on-site service and so on. Check out the government's site about it here. It's gonna be great.
I've ordered a jabra bluetooth headset for my P900 from Amazon. That too, will be cool.
As will the light gun I've ordered for the PS2 from Ebay. If it ever turns up. I won it on the 27th October and paid by paypal, but the guy selling it hasn't claimed the paypal payment and hasn't replied to any of my e-mails. I'm sure there's a good reason (there had better be) but I'm getting worried that my light-gun goodness may be curtailed.
All is not lost, however as I have got hold of Grand Theft Auto San Andreas for my PS2. Hours and hours of overly violent joy! And a cool multiplayer option.
Vic's phone is up for renewal this weekend. I've been trying to push an Orange SPV her way, but she's settled for an Ericsson K700i. Which is fine. looks like a good phone.
Now that I've finished telling you all about the materialistic aspects of my life, I can get down to real things:
Poor old Vic had to spend 2 days in London this week. Overnight stay in a hotel in Kensington. Fortunately despite the nasty crash up near Reading last weekend there were no significant delays there or back, although she found out afterwards that 2 of her colleagues were coming home on the train after hers and were delayed by 5 hours due to a signalling fault. Lucky escape there, I think.
I was a bit annoyed yesterday at around 11am. It was, as you may or may not know, Armistice Day (or Poppy Day) and the UK has a 2 minute silence at 11 o'clock. Now I was in a team meeting at 10am and mentioned this to my colleagues. Unfortunately when 11 o'clock came round, the boss was nattering away, almost everyone else in the office carried on as normal and one bloke was wandering around having a whistle.
Well we have to batten down the hatches this evening as Mum and Dad are coming over for the day. I'm not entirely sure whether we will survice, so this may be my last ever post...
Well. What have I been up to?
I've ordered my PC from the Banks HCI Scheme. This is the scheme by which an employee hires a pc from their employer and receives, not only a significant discount on the cost of the pc, but also a tax break from the government, 3 years on-site service and so on. Check out the government's site about it here. It's gonna be great.
I've ordered a jabra bluetooth headset for my P900 from Amazon. That too, will be cool.
As will the light gun I've ordered for the PS2 from Ebay. If it ever turns up. I won it on the 27th October and paid by paypal, but the guy selling it hasn't claimed the paypal payment and hasn't replied to any of my e-mails. I'm sure there's a good reason (there had better be) but I'm getting worried that my light-gun goodness may be curtailed.
All is not lost, however as I have got hold of Grand Theft Auto San Andreas for my PS2. Hours and hours of overly violent joy! And a cool multiplayer option.
Vic's phone is up for renewal this weekend. I've been trying to push an Orange SPV her way, but she's settled for an Ericsson K700i. Which is fine. looks like a good phone.
Now that I've finished telling you all about the materialistic aspects of my life, I can get down to real things:
Poor old Vic had to spend 2 days in London this week. Overnight stay in a hotel in Kensington. Fortunately despite the nasty crash up near Reading last weekend there were no significant delays there or back, although she found out afterwards that 2 of her colleagues were coming home on the train after hers and were delayed by 5 hours due to a signalling fault. Lucky escape there, I think.
I was a bit annoyed yesterday at around 11am. It was, as you may or may not know, Armistice Day (or Poppy Day) and the UK has a 2 minute silence at 11 o'clock. Now I was in a team meeting at 10am and mentioned this to my colleagues. Unfortunately when 11 o'clock came round, the boss was nattering away, almost everyone else in the office carried on as normal and one bloke was wandering around having a whistle.
Well we have to batten down the hatches this evening as Mum and Dad are coming over for the day. I'm not entirely sure whether we will survice, so this may be my last ever post...
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Most Haunted Live
I've just watched the most appalling load of cobblers I've ever seen (actually, that's not true, I've seen a couple of episodes of Big Brother and it was worse).
Stead has been going on for ages about this Most Haunted (www.livingtv.co.uk/mosthaunted) programme on Living TV. Apparently it's great. Anyway, they did a special live broadcast for Halloween - investigating Pendle Hill in Yorkshire, supposedly the most haunted location in the UK.
Well on the first night, the medium Derek Acora (if that's how you spell it) 'saw' some aliens. the second night, the spirits of about 9 witches, all called Elizabeth tried to kill the crew by... er... moving glasses at them. i didn't watch the third night, but apparently there were Hellhounds.
Of course none of this could be seen on screen, you just saw this scouse ponce saying things like 'Elizabeth wants to kill us' and 'I think they followed us from the last location' and 'Argh. She's got me by the neck!'
It was rubbish. Stead, if you're reading this, don't watch it any more. It'll rot your brains. Watch 'Tricia' or 'Changing Rooms' instead. It'll be far more intellectually stimulating.
Oh yeah... if you're interested, the Most Haunted DVD can be purchased at good ol' Amazon! I wouldn't bother though if I were you.
Stead has been going on for ages about this Most Haunted (www.livingtv.co.uk/mosthaunted) programme on Living TV. Apparently it's great. Anyway, they did a special live broadcast for Halloween - investigating Pendle Hill in Yorkshire, supposedly the most haunted location in the UK.
Well on the first night, the medium Derek Acora (if that's how you spell it) 'saw' some aliens. the second night, the spirits of about 9 witches, all called Elizabeth tried to kill the crew by... er... moving glasses at them. i didn't watch the third night, but apparently there were Hellhounds.
Of course none of this could be seen on screen, you just saw this scouse ponce saying things like 'Elizabeth wants to kill us' and 'I think they followed us from the last location' and 'Argh. She's got me by the neck!'
It was rubbish. Stead, if you're reading this, don't watch it any more. It'll rot your brains. Watch 'Tricia' or 'Changing Rooms' instead. It'll be far more intellectually stimulating.
Oh yeah... if you're interested, the Most Haunted DVD can be purchased at good ol' Amazon! I wouldn't bother though if I were you.
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