Profound Mental Retardation

It seems that the vast majority of the people working in my building suffer from profound mental retardation (or idiocy, if you prefer).

We have recently had card operated revolving security doors installed and the sheer amount of confusion they have caused, buggers* belief. It is a very simple operation. One places one’s ID card against the sensor embedded in the side of the door which engages the door mechanism. One then simply has to step into the door space and push gently on the door in front of one which will then move around to the appropriate position automatically without any undue effort on one’s part. One walks in a straight line. It’s a bit slow, but one cannot have everything.

The aforementioned belief buggery becomes relevant when one observes the sheer number of people who step into the door space and then, for no readily discernable reason, turn to the left and attempt to push the revolving door in the opposite direction. When it doesn’t go anywhere, they try to push harder. This usually results in the mechanism shutting down for a few moments as it resets itself.

Further belief buggery occurs when four successive people, having watched the person in front cock it up, then proceed to cock it up in exactly the same way. These are not morons that have been swept in off the street, they are supposedly professional people who work in one of the UK’s largest financial institutions and have careers and everything! These people could be looking after your money!

Be afraid. Be very afraid…





*This is an intentional spelling mistake. To bugger belief is far more painful than beggaring it! It is, to be specific, a pain in the arse.