Er... Skoda

Yes, yes. I know what you're thinking. Why would the most incredibly cool person ever to grace a web page deign to reduce himself to writing about an object as amazingly uncool as a Skoda. Particularly one that comes in as unattractive a blue as the one pictured above.

Well, I'll tell you. As a person who has been blessed with such good looks, charisma, intelligence and so-on, it is my lot to live my life knowing how much better (and yes, cooler) I am than anyone or anything around me.

Being so fantastically great is an arduous responsibility and it can be very wearing at times. Every so often I feel the need to artificially lower myself in the perception of the people around me, so that they can feel more comfortable around me and not wander round, as they normaly do, in an awestricken stupor whilst in my presence. Hence, every now and again, I persuade my barber to give me a crappy haircut, or I allow myself to be seen in public with Stead.

Recently, my singular magnificence has become such a burden that, this weekend, I just had to take action. Drastic action. Amazingly drastic, in fact.

Since Christmas I have been without a car. This is because I am so cool that I have yet to find a car that can contain such coolness. Sadly this car-lessness has become something of an irritation, stopping me as it does from performing such simple tasks such as popping to the supermarket (obviously I have people queuing up to perform favours such as this for me in exchange for being noticed by me - but I don't like to take advantage of the unwashed masses).

So yesterday, I graciously allowed the Stead to drive me, (in his lady-like Nissan Micra) out to a small vehicular boutique near Barclay. It was my intention to purchase something appropriate to my obvious status. However, when I saw Stead's little bottom lip quivering, I took pity and purchased a Skoda instead.

Let me reiterate this and make it as clear as I possibly can. I bought a Skoda to make Stead feel better about his Nissan Micra. This was very gracious of me and he should be eternally grateful.

Excellent. Now I've made that clear, I shall be off to do more exciting things with my time. Like my laundry (yes, I know, I know - an amazing guy like me shouldn't have to do his own laundry, but I had a bad experience with some of my fans stealing my underwear).