Here's a genuine excerpt which I just made up. To set the scene, Harry has just used his cloak of no special properties to sneak out of his dormintory and has snuck into the headmaster's office to look at his decidedly unmagical books. Obviously, he's just been caught at it!
Harry gazed into the book hoping to see the mysteries of the world explained to him. Suddenly a voice from the shadows made him start.
"What do you think you are doing?" it said in a terrifying robot voice.
Harry backed away as the figure from the shadows emerged and approached him. As it came into the light, he was surprised to note that rather than being a Cyberman, Borg or Dalek, it was in fact a rather small and unthreatening man in an oversized electric wheelchair! It was the headmaster, Professor Stevenus Hawkingbore.
"I... I'm sorry," stammered Harry. "I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd come and read up on some theoretical particle physics."
"That is all right, Harry." said Hawkingbore in his bizzare robot voice. "I admire any ten year old that seeks out knowledge."
"Actually," mused Harry, "I was hoping it would bore me to sleep. Or perhaps knock me out... if I drop it on my head from high enough."
"How dare you," Hawkingbore's monotone betrayed no emotion, "You little sh*t. How dare you trivialise my life's work. I am going to f*ck you right up, now!" The wheelchair suddenly lunged forward at a terrifying slow walking pace.
It took Harry a moment or two to realise that Hawkingbore was a furious and was intent on crushing Harry's small body under the wheels of his death dealing chariot of... er... death! Thinking quickly, he took a step sideways onto the first step of the nearby staircase. A minute later and the wheelchair would have tapped his legs lightly, potentially causing a small amout of bruising!
Hawkingbore swung the wheelchair around to face Harry. It took some time. "Curse you," the awful robot voice intoned. "You have uncovered my only weakness."
It was then that Harry realised that he had defeated Hawkingbore. The weelchair couldn't go up stairs!
"Hah!" he shouted at the seething, wheeled headmaster. "Haven't you ever watched Doctor Who?"
"No, I have not," said Hawkingbore. "I deal only in dry, boring scientific theory. For example, did you know that The kinetic theory of matter says that all matter consists of many, very small particles which are constantly moving or in a continual state of motion. The degree to which the particles move is determined not only by the amount of energy they have but also their relationship to other particles. The particles might be atoms, molecules or ions. Use of the general term 'particle' means the precise nature of the particles does not have to be specified."
Too late, Harry realised that Hawkingbore was not powerless at all. As Harry's eyes grew heavy, Hawkingbore's terrible monotonous mechanical voice seared the fundementals of particle theory into his brain until finally, Harry slumped to the floor unconcious.
"Excellent," said Hawkingbore. "If I was able to laugh manaically or cackle, I would. As it is, I cannot even rub my hands together in glee, but if I could I would. In spades." His wheelchair rolled backwards. "Now, young Harry," he intoned, "I shall use my phenomenal cosmic knowledge to instill boredom into the children of the world so that they shall all grow up in my image! Mua ha ha ha ha. No, that laugh just sounds silly in my robot voice... Now, where's Davros..?"
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