Goat

Hmm.
Here's a rather dull article about a naughty goat:

Goat demoted for parade incident
LONDON, England (AP) -- A British army regiment's ceremonial pet goat was demoted in disgrace after it marched out of line before a host of international dignitaries during a parade to mark Queen's Elizabeth II's birthday, a military spokesman said Saturday.
The military mascot, a 6-year-old male goat called Billy, was downgraded from the rank of lance corporal to fusilier -- the same status as a private -- after army chiefs ruled his poor display had ruined the ceremony June 16 at a British army base in Episkopi, western Cyprus.
Lance Cpl. Dai Davies, 22, the goat's handler, was unable to keep control during the march earlier this month, as the mascot darted from side to side, throwing soldiers off their stride...

There's a load of somewhat uninspiring stuff about the naughty, naughty goat after that, but then it gets down to a few mildly interesting facts:

A total of 11 ceremonial pets -- including a ferret, an Indian black buck and a ram -- are kept by the British Army, but regiments do not take the mascots on tours to combat zones. British legislators were told last month that keeping the pets costs £30,000 ($55,000; €44,000) per year...
..."He is not a grazing goat and has food flown in from Wales. Billy also has an allowance of two cigarettes a day -- both of which he eats," said [a] spokeswoman...

It's a bloody goat. It will eat grass and bits of wood and spoons and pretty much anything else you stick in front of it. Why the hell do that have to be Welsh grass and bits of wood and spoons? And what's with the fags? I'm tempted to send him a copy of Allen Carr's book. Do you think the goat gets grumpy if he doesn't get his two ciggies a day?