My Southampton based big brother moved house on Friday. He moved from a dingy flat in Shirley to a brand new posh 'luxury apartment' in Ocean Village. there are a number of reasons for this move, not least of which was his old flatmate's obsession with the massively multiplayer online role playing game 'World of Warcraft'. Apparently he was spending all of his time on it, stopping only to pee and put ready meals in the microwave (but only the sort one can eat whilst playing). His obsession was so bad, it seems, that he started call in sick to work and, worst of all, his parrot died beacuse he 'forgot' to feed it. Well - quite frankly I couldn't live with a guy who puts a computer game over the life of a pet. Russ' concern, however was more practical. He was worried that his flatmate was about to lose his job and therefore his income. Rent was therefore then primary issue. Sadly, the parrot seemed to be more of a laughing point.
Being a kind and dutiful brother, I offered to go down and help him move. My offer was accepted. Not gratefully, I might add, but accepted nonetheless. So I got up bright and early and drove the hundred odd miles from Bristol, to Southampton. The day, however did not go well.
First off, I found myself unable to follow the instructions that Multimap provided. I'm still not sure whether it was me or them, but I found myself utterly utterly lost in the centre of Southampton and had to drive around in circles 'til I saw something I recognised - and given that it's been about 5 years since I last visited the city, it took a while. Eventually, I found my way to a bit I recognised and from there located Russ' flat.
Next problem. They needed to get stuff out of the garage. Unfortunately, there was a nasty old BMW with flat tires parked in the way. So we had to move it by hand. Fortunately the handbrake was also knackered. Garage sorted.
Next, although Russ was... kind of organised, his friend and new flatmate, Dec was not. The half-laden van was driven to his house where we had to pack his stuff and load it into the van. Everything was then taken to Ocean Village where we had to transfer everything via a tiny, tiny lift to the 5th floor. Not only was the lift tiny, but the doors wouldn't stay open for more than about 10 seconds at a time. So whilst manhandling computer desks and other bulky items out of the lift, we were assaulted by the closing doors and subjected to a barrage of barked instructions from the 'Lady of the Lift' who told us repeatedly and in no uncertain terms to stop blocking the doors.
Following that, it was decided that we would drive over to Mum's (about 30 miles away) to collect a couple of chests of drawers and a wardrobe. Which we did. Whilst there, Mum forced us to eat pasty pie and chips. Actually there wasn't much forcing about it. It was about 3 o'clock by this time and I for one hadn't eaten since about 6am. The pie was foul and the chips were greasy and horrible. But when you're hungry, you're hungry.
Before leaving for Southampton again, Russ decided that we still had to take some old furniture from the old flat to the tip. This was something of a concern as we were 30-40 minutes from the flat, a further 20 from the tip and it was getting on for 4 o'clock. Now I don't know about Southampton, but here in Bristol, the tips close at 4.30 on the basis that if they closed any later then people would have time to actually use them after work which would generate... work! Anyway. Turns out that the tip closes at 5.30 in Southampton, so we made it... just.
Anyway. At the end of the day, Russ and his mates decided that is was necessary to go to see Star wars. They had in fact booked tickets in advance for themselves, which was nice. I, however had not been factored into their plans. So an additional ticket was required. Fortunately, when they block-booked their tickets, there was one seat left on the end of the row that had not been booked, so I was able to purchase a ticket. Hooray.
The upshot of the day was that I left home at about 7am to do lots of heavy lifting for my brother. Not only did he fail to buy me any food (I though it was a accepted that when you spend the day doing physical labour for someone free of charge, they paid for your tea) but he also failed to say the magic 'Thank you'. not that this surprises me.
As a footnote to this story, I had an interesting discussion with Russ, where he tried to convince me that his knackered old 'K' reg BMW was better than a brand new Ford Focus.
"My car is more fun to drive," he said. "The Focus practically drives for you. It's boring."
"Er. Okay," I said. "By 'fun', presumably you mean that you have no power steering or ABS and you enjoy the thrill of the risk inherent in driving without airbags."
"And," he told me, "the suspension is all soft on a Focus. You can't 'fee' the road."
"Hmmm," I mused as the knackered old BMW shuddered across another slightly bumpy section of road, making my teeth clatter together painfully. "You don't think that the sensation I'm feeling now has something to do with your knackered shock absorbers. Oh. Did we stall?"
Needless to say, when I finally get my promotion and am faced with a choice of company car, it won't be a knackered old K reg BMW I'll be choosing...
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