The Opposition's Manifesto

We, The Evil Cabal Of Evil have read Dazza Moo's manifesto, which he posted here last week, and have decided that it cannot go unanswered. Therefore, have erased the post that he originally put up this evening* and replaced it with our own Manifesto. We think you'll agree that it is much better than Dazza Moo's.

The Evil Cabal Of Evil's

Manifesto

Economy
This is very simply addressed: If every person in the country subscribes to Sky, reads the Sun, buys an iPhone and uses Microsoft Office, we will make a shit-load of money. Making rich people richer is very good for the economy because of stuff and things.

Environment
Green things are completely unnecessary.  The future is indoors, not in the countryside.  We will chop down all of those pesky trees and get rid of all that mucky wildlife.  You will all live in shiny, white cubes, like the future of the sixties and eat pills for dinner. We, on the other hand will dine on bacon and roast beef from our secret island livestock farms.

Jobs
This is one thing that Dazza Moo and we agree on. We will channel all available funding into building Steve Jobs' cloud mind a giant robot body with which to subjugate the world.

Sustainable Energy
Your cubes will be lit by solar power during the day. Once it gets dark, you will sleep.

The Welfare State
It's simple. If you work, you will get fed. If you don't, you won't. Please note that your family may be charged a nominal sum to have your remains cleared up in the event of joblessness.

Education
All the education that you need will be fed to you through our products. You will want for nothing.

Crime and Civil LibertiesThere won't be any. Not with a giant Steve-Jobs-Bot roaming around, subjugating.

Health
Your healthiness will be measured by your productivity.  See 'The Welfare State' for more details.

( * which was excellent, by the way - it was called 'The Adventures Of The Ninja Teacup Pig' and was by far the best post Dazza Moo has ever written.  There were several excellent illustrations as well, one of which is here:

The rest were even better, but you will never see them. Muah ha ha!)