Poo Particles

Several people reacted with mild disgust when I mentioned that I often read comics or play with my phone whilst having a poo. Apparently it's unhygienic.

When I pointed out that I generally didn't handle my poo, or anything in the immediate vicinity of my poo whilst engaging in that particular activity.

Again and again I was scoffed at. And the same phrase kept being used:

These particles, apparently, come put of ones bottom whilst having a poo, and zip around the room, settling on things.

This seemed odd to me, because they appeared to be selective about where they went. For example, my phone, or my comics were prime poo particle targets, while the door knob or the hand towel, which were also in the same room, did not seem to have the same attractive quality. And the poo particles primary reason for existence, apparently, is to re-enter my digestive system orally, thereby making me ill.

It suggested some form of intelligence on the part of the poo particles. Not proper, tool making, reasoning intelligence, but at least on the level of, say a fly.

I set out to discover more about the poo particles.

My search was long and arduous, but I finally discovered a scientist who specialised in microfecal analysis. Although he prefers to remain anonymous - who, after all wants to admit to studying tiny bits of shit? - he was happy for me to share the fruits of his labour.

Using a particulate microscope of his own design, he was able to photograph a cloud of poo particles, normally invisible to the naked eye:

Well, the sight of these little critters was a surprise to me. But I was still rather dismissive of them. After all, who ever heard of a microscopic organism, too tiny even to see, causing anyone any harm? Ridiculous, I say.

But my new scientific friend was quick to assure me that they could be very harmful indeed. And then he showed me a picture that would scar me for life. An enormously magnified photograph of a single poo particle.

It's very blurry. Apparently it's very hard to photograph the tiny, tiny creatures. But it was enough to put me off pooing for ever.

Today, I can reveal for the first time ever, a close up and personal photograph of a genuine poo particle: