Armed And Dangerous

TOP SECRET
INTELLIGENCE REPORT

TO: HEAD OF MI5

FROM: TACTICAL WEAPONS AND TECHNOLOGY DIVISION

SUBJECT: CAMOUFLAGED URBAN WEAPON DEPLOYMENT BY FEMALE AGENTS

As requested, here is a brief update on the standard armaments issues to female agents in the field.

These items have been carefully designed by the Tactical Weapons and Technology Division to blend in with the accoutrements of the average female civilian in order to arm female and cross-dressing agents in a fashion that will allow them to defend themselves as well as carry out assassination assignments without drawing attention.

Each agent is issued with ten razor-sharp digit mounted blades, and one knuckle duster, disguised as a glittery finger adornment.


Agents have been trained to deploy these weapons by mimicking the handbag counterbalancing motion employed by civilians. This allows them to create a zone into which any intruder will be gouged, slashed, sliced, cracked or otherwise thumped.


While not usually fatal, any entry into this danger zone will almost certainly result in permanent scarring and probably concussion.

On occasion, a female agent will need to resort to the traditional bludgeoning technique in order to fend off an assailant or take out a larger opponent. For this eventuality, they have been supplied with a standard issue HB1 device:



This particular item has the benefit of being inexpensive and in plentiful supply, however it is not easily concealed about the person.

To counter this issue, many millions of pounds have been spent developing a repository that is both functional and practical. This repository has been code named HB2:





As you can see from these diagrams, HB1 is inserted into HB2, effectively concealing HB1, allowing agents to convey it about their person without arousing suspicion and further enabling the agent to deploy it as a mace.

In addition, female agents have been issued with 'flip-flop' footwear:


This footwear is designed to distract enemy operatives with a peculiar and unnatural sound while creating confusion with their bizzare and impractical appearance.

As discussed, the Tactical Weapons And Technology Division arranged for non-weaponised versions of all items mentioned in this report to be put into circulation among civilians a number of years ago, in order that our female agents do not feel ridiculous wearing them.