Dazza's Tier of TV Terribleness

Because I'm a man of taste, people often ask me whether a programme is worth watching. Quite often, the answer is no, because what they're watching is rubbish.

I thought I'd take the opportunity to clear up a few things. Take a look at this chart:

As you can see, I've clearly ranked a bunch of programmes, showing the relative crapness or awesomeness of them.

Now, the programmes on this chart should be seen as representative of a type of show.

You'll see that right at the bottom is cheap, mass produced reality bollocks that's knocked together by idiots for idiots or to fill a gap in the daytime tv schedule. Big Brother, X Factor, endless programmes about buying shit houses or selling junk and so on. This sort of TV is shit and if you watch it, you'll start shedding IQ points until you're so dumb, you'll want to appear in one of them.

Then there's the soaps. They're shit too. The difference is that there has at least been an attempt at creativity, even if it failed horribly. In the main part, these demonstrate terrible, lazy writing, inconsistent characterisation and terrible acting. They, at least, provide a few jobbing actors and TV crews employment, but in the main part, will also rot your brain.

Right on the cusp of acceptability are shows like Masterchef, The Apprentice and Grand Designs, not to mention endless cookery shows. These are still reality TV. Even though they've had bit more money spent on them, they're still utterly shit, but they make aspiring middle class snobs feel better and that means they're doing something other than reading the Daily Mail.

Next there's all those identikit cop/mystery shows. CSI, The Mentalist, Law & Order, House and the like. Yeah, I know House isn't a cop, but his show follows all of the same tropes, just sticks 'em in a hospital. It's okay. It is is perfectly watchable TV. I'm okay with you watching this stuff.

And then there's the really good stuff. The stuff that's really well written, shows strong character and story progression and is just generally awesome. As well as the ones shown in the chart, you can include Mad Men, Sons Of Anarchy, Battlestar Galactica, Breaking Bad and all that excellent stuff.

Scattered amongst all of these are the sit-coms. But as a genre, they're such a mixed bunch, I couldn't really show them properly. There's genuinely funny clever stuff like The Big Bang Theory and How I met Your Mother. There's also awful stuff like Two and a Half Men, which just makes my face hurt when I watch it.

So there you go. My take on TV. If you disagree, you've been watching the wrong sort of TV and your brain has melted. Your opinion can't be trusted. Go away.