Thursday, April 28, 2011

I Don't Believe In It

Here is a list of nine things that people say they don't believe in:

1. Religion
2. Eating meat
3. Smacking children
4. Homeopathic remedies
5. Nuclear power
6. The Alternative Vote
7. The Death Penalty
8. Whale hunting
9. Fairies

I'm sorry guys. If you don't believe in any of these things then you're a mentally defective blockhead. Every single one of those things is real.

Look around you. There's tons of religion about. There's a church, mosque or other religious meeting place in practically every village, town and city in the country. Religion has caused the deaths of millions through war and genocide. It has also inspired some of the greatest works of art the world has ever seen and one of the largest collections of wealth ever amassed. It totally exists. Some of it's practitioners wear dresses in public!

I eat meat almost every day. Eating meat therefore must exist! Mmm... meat...

If you don't believe there are people out there that smack children, then you're painfully naive and should probably have been smacked more as a child.

Homeopathic remedies. Whether they work or not, there are people out there making a whole bunch of cash off selling them.

There are nine working nuclear power stations in Britian. Nineteen if you count the decommissioned ones.

The Alternative Vote - if this didn't exist, how does Australian voting work and why are we be having a referendum on it in a few days.

The death penalty is alive and well in many countries around the world.

You don't believe in whale hunting? Look - 130 million Japanese and Nordic people are pointing and laughing at you!

Fairies: sorry to disappoint you, but there are gay people all over the place. They're like churches in that respect, although I don't think any of them have committed genocide.

What? Oh. Sorry. Apparently I'm not allowed to call the gays 'fairies'. They say it makes me a homophobe. Not sure why, cos gays aren't very scary. Unless they have axes for hands. But then it's mostly the axe-hands that are scary. I'd be an axe-handophobe, but I don't believe in it!

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