Big Words

I've been far too busy building a galaxy for my brother to put together a decent post for you tonight. Instead here's a second rate post for you to chuckle at.

I have a desk calendar at work. It's called the 'Big Words' calendar. It's not very good - a lot of the words are not actually that big and many of the ones that are quite big are a bit rubbish. So in order to make the whole thing far more entertaining, I've decided to come up with a few alternative meanings for the words. Behold:

Callisthenics
Plural noun – Gymnastic exercises to achieve bodily fitness and grace of movement.
Plural noun – Stupid, girly exercises to achieve DVD sales.

Hypnopaedia
Noun – Learning by hearing while asleep.
Noun – The act of luring children into your car through hypnotism

Rancour
Noun – The deepest malignity or spite; deep-seated enmity or malice; inveterate hatred
Noun – Large, ugly, alien creature susceptible to to falling doors. Beloved of fat half naked men.

Turgescent
Adjective – Becoming turgid; swelling
Noun – Boner

Abnegate
Transitive verb – To deny oneself (a pleasure); renounce or reject.
Verb – To eat cake.

Utilitarianism
Noun – The doctrine that actions are right if they are for the benefit of the majority.
Noun – A government run by a coalition of electricity and water providers.

Humanitarian
Noun – Holding the views of Humanitarians
Adjective – Of or relating to human welfare
Noun – One who eats only humans, e.g. Godzilla or Dracula.

Extravehicular
Adjective – Outside a vehicle, especially a spaceship.
Adjective – where the cars on a driveway outnumber the sum of valid diving licenses in the house.