So, even though I need an early night because I'm getting up at obscenely early o'clock in the morning in order to drive Dr K to the station for a 5am train, I'm having to sit here and write this big long post instead of a quick, concise little post that would allow me to spend a good portion of what little evening I have left to me watching telly, reading a book* or playing video games.
I like doing those things. Mostly because they involve sitting down. Sitting down is one of my favourite things. Tea is another of my favourite things. I've had 1615 cups of tea so far this year. I've been counting.
What? I'm getting off topic? Tough noogies. This is what you get when I'm forced to write a big long post against my better judgement. You get steam of conciousness nonsense that goes on for ages. Rambling gibberish.
I was having real trouble coming up with a decent topic to write about today. I'm just not inspired. I thought about it really hard for nine whole minutes before settling on this passive-aggressive topic. You can't blame me though. I voted against it. I knew it would be a bad idea. It's all Dr K's fault. I wanted to post a picture of me doing jazz hands and maybe write a few amusing sentences underneath it. But Dr K wanted a big long post, so this is what you get instead.
I wonder if people actually want to see a picture of me doing jazz hands. I think my jazz hands are pretty good. Tell you what, if you want to see a picture of me doing jazz hands, post in the comments below. I could collect a bunch of pictures of me doing jazz hands in a bunch of different places. It would be awesome.
Enough about the jazz hands. They're distracting me from my real purpose, which is to write a big long post about absolutely nothing at all to spite Dr K. The jazz hands are too specific. If I go on too much about jazz hands, then everyone will remember this as the post in which I went on about jazz hands rather than the big long passive aggressive post that I'm being forced to write by Dr K who specifically doesn't want me to write about (or illustrate) jazz hands. And that won't do at all.
(Incidentally, whilst typing those last two paragraphs, I accidentally typed 'i' instead of 'a' in the word 'jazz' more than once. That bring a whole new image to mind. I probably shouldn't have mentioned that, huh?)
Here's a dull, space filling fact for you. Up until this point >.<, I have written 487 words. And I did it with 2572 characters.
It's probably taken you just over two minutes to read this far. I just read it back while timing myself and it took two minutes and seventeen seconds (although I did correct a typo along the way. Can you guess which one?) Anyway the point is that you just wasted a little bit more than two minutes reading this big long post, when you could have spent 10 seconds looking at a picture of me doing jazz hands. That's two minutes you're never going to get beck.
Imagine the things you could have done with those two minutes. You could have ordered a pizza, boiled the kettle, read nearly 500 words of a better blog, gone for a wee, washed up a few plates, pleasured a woman or transformed my Optimus Prime toy from a robot into a truck. Basically, all of those things, even the washing up, would have been a better use of your time.
I'm going to stop soon, because I worry about you getting brain damage from to much exposure to my unfiltered brain excretions. They're starting to take a bizzare turn for the worse, unless, of course you want to hear about Optimus Prime riding Grimlock like a little pony or which part of my body is itching right now.
No?
Right, I'm off to bed then. Bye.
...jazz hands...
( * who am I kidding? I read comics, not books. Comics with Spiderman or Batman in them. Because Spiderman and Batman are the best superheroes. )
2 comments:
I would like to see your jazz hands.
I would prefer rap hands, or even dub step. Jazz hands are so 20th Century!!
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