The Power Of Meat

General opinion seems to be that I incurred yesterday's horrific injury because I have not eaten meat for a week. I am now, apparently entirely made of vegetables.

It would appear that the ingestion of meat products conveys a small amount of indestructibility that a vegetarian diet does not. Without meat in the diet, life becomes just a little bit more hazardous: tea bags have sharp edges, cornflakes can break teeth and backs can be put out lifting medium sized cartons of milk.

Of course, habitual vegetarians have unconsciously learned to counter the dangerousness of everyday life by taking extra care in everything they do. Every action is taken with extra prudence and diligence for fear of breaking their delicate vegetable skin. This also explains why the are so slow.

As it happens, I asked a scientist to conduct a Spectrocarnemeatographic analysis of my hand last week, before I started this vegetarian lark. Today, a week later, I persuaded him to don his pristine white lab coat and protective goggles to perform a second, comparative analysis:


The image on the left was taken last week and, as you can see, my beefy diet has afforded me protection against minor injuries. The right hand image was taken today and there is no meaty aura to be seen. Also my hand has become 32% more effeminate.

Clear, scientific evidence, I think you'll agree.

By undertaking this vegetarian challenge, I am risking both my life and the manliness of my hands.

Fortunately, I'm very brave!