Quiche vs Tart vs Flan

I haven't eaten meat for almost two weeks now, and something has become apparent to me: people think that vegetarians eat a lot of quiche.

I don't think vegetarians actually eat a lot of quiche. It just seems to be one of those things that's common knowledge. Certainly, whenever I've mused aloud about what vegetarian dish to serve up for tea, someone inevitably mentions quiche.

Of course any discussion of the merits of quiche almost inevitably ends up in one of two places:

1) Quiche is a food for frail little girls;

2) What the hell is the difference between quiche and tart? And where does flan fit into all of this?

Well, you'll be pleased to know that I've looked into question two with the intention of providing a final and definitive answer, so that humankind no longer has to waste time pondering it. You'll be pleased to know that the answer is not the square root of 1,764.

Firstly a brief note on methodology. Rather than consult a chef or refer to a professional cuisinologist, I have simply googled it. Google has a handy 'define:' tag that you can add to your search criteria to get the definition of a word. If you want to check that I'm not full of shit, simply type 'define: quiche' into Google.

I'm not, however, simply going to paste the results of my search below, because that's no fun! I shall write nonsense instead.

Now I'd like to start by talking about about tarts. Basically, the Internet says that a tart is a pie without a top. It's important to get this out of the way early, because quiches and flans appear to be subsets of the tart.

The first thing that's mentioned in the 'define: quiche' search results is that quiche is a tart. The thing that makes a quiche a quiche and not just an ordinary, run of the mill tart, is the custard. Specifically an unsweetened custard, which as we all know, is not the best kind of custard*. later on, the definitions get quite eggy.

So if your tart has an eggy filling, then it's definitely a quiche.

Confusingly, the Internet also says that a flan is also a pie without a top, but it's distinguishing feature is custard and/or fruit. Unfortunately, as you can have both custard and fruit tarts, this is about as helpful as a spaniel at a dyslexic tool convention.

Notably, my research did not find mention of spongy bases, which many people have told me is a flan's defining feature. Now, I happen to know that one can purchase spongy flan cases in the supermarket, so this is obviously an option. I think we can safely say that quiches and tarts definitely don't have spongy bases.

It's all got a bit complicated so I've tried to simplify it with this flow chart to help you define your pastry product. It's a work in progress and I'd be grateful for any suggestions to further clarify this important issue.


(* For the record, the best kind of custard is the kind that covers a generous portion of rhubarb crumble.)