Home Invasion

Please note that this story is second hand. It actually happened to Dr K and I present it here on her behalf. It's mostly true, although I may have slightly embellished one or two of the facts for the purposes of amusement and mischievousness.

It was early morning in a South Gloucestershire village. The sun was just peeking over the trees and the birds were singing. Oddly, they were singing 'On The Beautiful Blue Danube' in e-minor an 1/16th time which is a pretty strange way to sing it, if you ask me*.

Dr K, opened the front door and breathed in the fresh countryside air, which smelled mainly of manure. The bins needed to go out and, Dr K was determined to compete the onerous task before driving to work.

"I am determined," she declared, "to complete this onerous task before driving to work."

And she did. She completed the hell out of that onerous task!

By the time she had finished, the bins were under no illusions about their upcoming fate. They were out and no question!

Unfortunately, Dr K had made a terrible miscalculation. While completing her onerous task, she left the front door open and both cats made a successful dash for freedom.

"This, in itself, is not a particular problem." said Dr K to herself. "These cats are big boys and can fend for themselves. And the weather is not inclement, so they should not come to any harm." and then, because she is ever so slightly Northern**, she added "By 'eck as like."

So she locked up and went to work.

And here the story takes an interlude from it's hitherto breakneck pace.

Until Dr K returns home, that is! Look... it's about to happen.

Upon returning home, Dr K found the cats sitting, rather impatiently on the front path. She greeted them in the traditional manner, sniffing each of their anuses in turn and then rubbing her cheek on their faces***, and then turned her attention to the important business of opening the door.

And inside, sitting in the hallway, was next door's cat, Shadow.

While Dr K got over her surprise, the two resident cats chased the interloper out of the house.

As he left, Shadow shouted over his shoulder, "You may have beaten me this time, but you won't be so smug when you see what I've left you! Mua ha ha ha!"

True to his word, Shadow had left a gargantuan, stinky turd in the litter tray which, Dr K assures me, was nine times the size of an average turd.



(* See what I mean about the embellishment? It only gets worse!)

(** What? Derby is north. North of here, anyway!)

(*** Too much?)