The Things People Say

Sometimes people say brilliant things. And sometimes they say quite dull things that are brilliant when quoted out of context.

Here are nine brilliant quotes from me and people that I know:

"I don't want to be an old minger."
My boss couldn't decide whether she was going to go with 'whinger' or 'moaner', so went with an unfortunate combination of both.

"I could put up with a few kids if it meant I could have some sausage."
I was debating the relative merits of attending barbecues at which there would be screaming children when I made this faux pas.

"It's all right, mate. I'm just just enjoying your smell."
Speaking of barbecues, this was my neighbour complimenting another resident's barbecue.

"It's poo o'clock."
I have a bottom shaped clock that's right once a day.

"I've just had a shower. I don't want to be sprayed with your cheesy crumbs."
Dr K came up with this gem when she came out of the bathroom to find me eating cheese straws.

"It's good to have stability and consistency in your life, even if that stability is the consistency of vomit."
This was me commenting on the dependability of a friend's dog's travel sickness.

"I celebrate my idiocy."
Me again. 'Nuff said.

"I've got VD Daz, and I don't know where to put it."
Dr K during a particularly tough game of scrabble.

"I'll just play with this while the girls play with their boxes."
Scotty was more interested in playing video games than helping Dr K and Gayle construct flat pack furniture.