Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Homeopathy

Homeopathy is brilliant, despite what all those silly closed-minded, Big-Pharma-loving, baby-eating, unthinking toadies say.

I think that people just don't understand the benefits provided by alternative remedies and Mother Earth.

For example, my homeopathic zebra warding treatment, which is achieved by having a very reputable specialist place the essence of one small natural, aerobically fermented, allium cepa bulb as close to my root chakra point as possible, has been very, very effective.

I have not been killed by a zebra. Nor have I developed zebra-like stripes on my skin. Ever. You can't argue with results!

I started seeing an aural manipulation technician a while back and I can honestly say that my aura has never been better. My qualified aural manipulator tells me that it's a lovely calm blue, which is much better than red. And she would know because she has a Certificate of Attainment from the Aural School of Natural Healing which is on the Internet!

Many alternative remedies use magic to cure ailments, which has repeatedly been proven in non-clinical, unscientific studies by at least one unqualified, self certified expert to be very, very effective at separating patients from the cause of their ailment.

The most common cause of ailments, in case you're wondering, is money. Usually in multiples of £29.99. By divesting you of the cause of your ailments, your karmic balance is restored, your chakras are stabilised and, most importantly, your con-ma... er... holistic consultant gets paid!

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