Life Is Good

It occurs to me that life is good. Much better, in fact, than the 'good old days' which as far as I can tell, weren't that good at all (although I imagine that back in the good old days, there were still old people who reminisced wrongly about the even better, older days).

So, here are nine things that are definitely much better than the good old days:

Toilets
Start with something obvious, why not. Toilets used to be rubbish in the good old days. They were buckets. Or holes in the ground. And they were often in a freezing cold outhouse. And they stank. In the good old days, you certainly wouldn't want to sit on the bog checking Facebook on your iPhone for long. Which brings me nicely to...

Smartphones
Phones in the good old days were really really dumb. The only game you could play on them was a really rubbish version of swingball, only worse because the cord was really short and they tended to break if you hit them with stuff. You could talk on them, I suppose, but you couldn't, say, put a blog post onto the www with them. That conveniently leads me to...

The Internet
Oh the internet is absolutely fricking awesome. Back in the good old days, if you wanted to see a hilariously captioned cute kitten, you had to start by finding a kitten! And then you had to make it do something awesome, capture the (several) moment(s) with your pinhole camera and then develop the film and make up your own hilarious caption. Or hope to hell that one turned up on the clumsily linked TV...

Television
Oh my god, television was shit in the good old days. It was tiny and fuzzy, badly acted and sounded like it was made of baked bean tins. Now, it's HUGE and colourful and has explosions and boobs and swearing and even though we have reality TV, we also have The Sopranos and The West Wing and Dexter and that's at least 900% better in my view! And what else can you do with your telly?

Video Games
They didn't have video games back in the good old days, did they? Billiards, maybe. A few card games, perhaps. But there aren't many opportunities to shoot the living shit out of fourteen year old American kids with high explosive, hollow point rounds spat out of your awesome mini-gun at 200 rounds per second in the average game of Snap. EAT HOT LEAD, YOU SPOTTY LITTLE MOTHERFUCKERRRRR!
And we can pretty much thank Science for video games!

Science
How cool is science? There's so much more of it now than in the good old days. They didn't have String Theory or the Hubble Telescope in the good old days! Where would you see amazing pictures of deep space? The internet, maybe? No, wait! It's the good old days! They don't even have robots. Even giant ones...

Transformers
This one doesn't even need an explanation, does it? Transformers are brilliant. None of them in the old days. You just had to play with rocks!

Rock Music
Put simply, rock music rocks, an the heavier the better! It's so much more awesome than all the other music. In the good old days, you'd never burst an eardrum listening to crackly old doo wop nonsense or crooning bollocks. Now you can experience the internal injury of your choice by turning up the volume! And it's all okay cos we can fix you...

Medicine
Medicine was really crappy in the good old days. If you went into hospital, chances are you weren't gonna come out alive. And people died from 'wasting illnesses' and bloody hankies. And now people live twice as long as their great granddads because we can cure or mend almost anything. Cos it's not the good old days any more!

Thank God, huh?