WHOMMMM! (or 'A Beginners Field Guide To Lightsaber Pretensions')

It's a well known fact that if you hand a long, thin object to a man, he will almost certainly wave it around making a 'whommmm' sound. Men who don't do this suffer from a mental illness called 'having no soul*'.

The world provides endless opportunities for pretending one has a lightsaber and I present here a brief selection of ideas for beginners:

In The Home

The home is an excellent location for practicing your lightsaber skills, with many many items that can be used.



The hoover attachment is a good choice as you can easily make out that you were simply engaging in household chores if you are caught at it. The downside of this is that you might end up actually having to hoover in order to maintain your cover.



Meanwhile, in the garden there is a huge assortment of bits and bobs for you to choose from. Here, I have picked the parasol from our patio set. This has the dual advantage of extensive reach and shade from the hot sun!

DIY Stores
Not much can match the DIY store for lightsabering opportunities, which will allow you to combine your interests in power tools, laser based fencing and, indeed, actual fencing.



You might not think that the shelving and bracket department would provide much in the way of lightsabers. But you'd be wrong.



Plumbing yields a fantastic array of long, thin things for you to wave about. The longer, the better, I say!

Car Parks
Even the humble car park can afford an unexpected opportunity to 'whommm'.



Here, I came across a discarded fluorescent tube from a strip light, which made an excellent lightsaber!

Garden Centres
Oh, the hated garden centre. How we dread the moment when our significant other declares that it's time to pay a visit to the land of petunias and terracotta pots. But never fear, my friends. There are a myriad of lightsabers here, too!



In this picture, an unconventional twirly, metal garden stake, commonly used for growing flowers up becomes an unconventionally twirly lightsaber, commonly used for chopping bits off stormtroopers!



And look how much more fun this ordinary looking broom has become. These things are totally wasted on the likes of Harry Potter!

Eating Out
Lightsabers can be found in the most unlikely places. The most boring of dinner dates can be made more exciting with the addition of a lightsaber.



Look at this chip. Now look at it again, because it's not a chip, it's an awesome miniature lightsaber!



Not even posh restaurants are immune to the lightsaber influence. One word: Breadstick!

I hope that this article has helped you see that no matter where you are, you can make the place at least 109% more brilliant by pretending you have a lightsaber.

If nothing else, just remember these three words:

Lightsabers are everywhere!



( * This is also sometimes known as 'not liking Star Wars'. Unlikely, I know, but some poor people really do suffer from it. )